“Honey, I forgot to stop at the store and get milk.”
“Sweetheart, I know I have been trying to eat better, but I had two Big Macs for lunch
because they had a deal.”
“Ummm… when you were at work today, I spent 3 hours surfing porn and masturbating.”
Which of the above scenarios would you be most afraid to tell your wife?
Rather easy to say it would be the struggles with pornography. Addictions and different degrees of struggle with porn are unique in that they, whether intentional or not, communicate a very negative message to your spouse.
“You do not satisfy me, and that hot looking brunette with the big _____ gets my motor running.”
Your confession hits right at the heart of your relationship.
So, does that mean you shouldn’t confess to your spouse? No, not at all.
In my opinion, you should, possibly. But not every time you fall.
Face it, if you are having a struggle with porn your spouse already knows or at the very least thinks something is up. It is healthy if you have a struggle and you have been confronted by your spouse to admit it.
We have a tendency to walk in denial when first confronted. That is our natural self-defense mode kicking in.
We know we are engaged in an unhealthy activity, yet we can’t stop.
I’m not going to assume that because you are reading this you are in the process of changing things.
But I believe it is very healthy to confess to your wife and start recovery. That being said, I think it is unhealthy to confess to her your frequent struggles. That is best done with an accountability partner.
Let your spouse know you are tired of the bad choices and are in an accountability relationship and love them enough to fight it through and stop the bad choices.
We rarely are immediately victorious and to keep going to your spouse and telling them you looked at porn today, or saw that cute girl walking at the mall and then couldn’t stop thinking about sex and went home and masturbated is not going to help your recovery. It will keep reinforcing to your spouse that they are not satisfying and insufficient for you.
If your spouse asks how you are doing, be honest and tell the truth. Not every exact detail, but accentuate the positive and offer them some hope that you are in fact walking a path to freedom.