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30 DAY PORN FREE CHALLENGE

30 DAYS OF ADVICE TO HELP YOU STAY PORN FREE

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3 Ways To Beat The Shame

by Carl Thomas on October 18th, 2015 in Men

shame

This week we launched a new website called ILookAtPornWhen.com. Within hours of sending out an email announcing the launch we had hundreds of people submit their reasons.

Why the huge response?

Well I believe it is because there are a ton of people out their suffering with their sexual addiction who want to tell someone but feel like they can’t. Every person I have ever talked to that is seeking recovery has felt this way at one time or another.

The question is … why?
Why can’t we tell people about our “dirty little secret?”

The answer is … shame.

Shame is an enemy that we all deal with and something that the porn addict is only all too familiar with.  One of the reasons that pornography maintains such a strong hold on men is the incredible shame that comes along with viewing it.

Shame is extremely isolating and keeps people trapped.
Shame takes the spotlight off your sin and puts it on you.

It lies to you and says, “If people knew what you did they would never understand and reject you like the worthless piece of crap you are.”  Shame sucks and you know what?  You don’t need to feel it or believe its lies.

Ok, sounds good … right?  The only problem is … I still feel it, so now what?

I’d like to tell you three things you should recognize next time the shame monster shows up at your door:

First, know that you are not alone. 

Statistics show that over forty percent of Internet users view pornography.   Additionally, forty seven percent of Christians admit that pornography is a problem in their home.  I don’t share these figures with you to “normalize” your struggle but rather to show you that your struggle is not uncommon.  In fact, it is all too common.  The reality is that while shame tells you that you are alone and uniquely broken the truth is you are not.

In fact, chances are that while you are sitting there feeling isolated because of your shame there are many people in your life who are feeling the same exact way. Take a look at ILookAtPornWhen.com  … You’ll see that hundreds of the reasons posted are almost identical.

We all struggle with the same stuff. Some of us just handle it differently than others.

The problem is that we have been lied to and told that sexual sin is especially heinous and needs to be covered up.  However, the truth is that sin loses its power when we expose it.

Don’t buy into the myth that “it’s just you” and keep yourself isolated.  Get accountable and find the support you need.  This is the first step to overcoming your shame.

Second, you are not meant to live in shame.

Jesus did not die so we all can live in our own little prisons of brokenness and isolation.  When he took on your sin he also took all the shame that comes with it.  When we say, “I can’t possibly talk about this” we are in essence saying “God isn’t big enough and Jesus’s sacrifice wasn’t sufficient.

Jesus does not want you to feel like you are alone.
He didn’t die so you could be crushed by sin’s condemnation.
He wants you to experience the freedom found in the sufficiency of his grace.

Lastly, if do muster up the courage to share your struggle and get rejected do not let that bring you down. 

Their rejection is not an inadequacy on your part but theirs.

We are all broken.
We all have damage.

The Bible says all have sinned and come short of God’s glory, that there isn’t a single righteous person.  You are doing the absolute right thing by seeking accountability and repentance.  Grace is a concept we all like to talk about in “church world” but when it actually comes time to extend it many of us fall flat on our face.

Again, do not fall for the lie.

Exposing the sin in your life is exactly what the enemy does not want you to do.  Walk boldly knowing that Jesus’s grace is completely sufficient and does not expire like a carton of milk.

Find security in God’s love and forgiveness and tell shame to go to Hell … just where it belongs.

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  • KRISHNA

    THANK YOU .. 🙂

  • Brer Rabbit

    Amusing or sad, take your pick, that many a young man who decides to ask for help or get accountable ends up asking someone who has the same problem… two guys in bondage in a pit are now ‘helping’ each other? Unlikely. They need to find someone who had same problem and no longer does. Find out what he did to “get free”. Points off if he is married or over 50, since a lot of guys develop this habit while single, their “rescuer” likewise needs to be someone who is single and full of testosterone, plus it needs to be verified that he’s not still using/acting out rather than lying about himself. Such a person, I think, is rare.

    By the way, it’s just as hard for girls to tell someone about their dark secret. It’s okay to be ashamed of sinning; it’s not okay to shame people over behaviors that aren’t actually sins, just socially unacceptable in certain circles.

  • ffe

    i was just looking for porn starring jesus, how hard can this be?

    • Sergei

      See Ezekiel 23:1-27 A parable about when He was known as Jehovah; He married two sisters, but they kept wanting to whore around and wanted guys with bigger, more ‘productive’ penises (v.20) So He had to kick them to the curb. Don’t let it happen to you.

  • FeelingBetter

    I’ve been there and found help. Quoting statistics just tells me I am not alone. Like an alcoholic, I knew this problem was not amenable to resolution by myself. I joined a group of like minded men, and found a place I could confess without shame. I asked one of the others for his number I could call when I felt the urge again. He too is a Christian so we are walking the same spiritual path. I no longer have those urges overwhelming me when I can talk with someone who is supportive and tough!

    My girl friend insists that my problem is due to being with others like me. She doesn’t believe in group therapy either.

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