In your sexual struggles, when do you feel out of control?  Do you feel like porn is turning you into a different person? 

Before I lost my job because of my porn habit I felt totally in control.  I felt like I could stop my porn at any time and I could handle it.  Now, 5 years into my recovery, I realize I was WAY out of control.  

When I let my sexual desires take the wheel I turn into a different guy.  Jeff Fisher morphs into something abnormal, unnatural, and almost schizophrenic.  I am still responsible, of course, but when I surrender to my desires several out of control personalities emerge. 

I want to share with you four of my out of control personalities.  I don’t like any of these guys.  And I’m working to bring these guys under submission to God. 

My hope is that my conflicts will resonate with some of you. 

#1 – Animal Passion Guy – Animals have a hard time with self-control.  All they think about is chasing their prey.  They react… without thought.  My lust and desire for sex can consume me so much that I suspend rational thinking and act purely out of feeling.  When I let my lustful desires take over I become a different person.  I lose my sense of reality, self-control and judgment and act out like an animal on my sexual feelings. 

Real Line From My Wife:  “Jeff, I felt like I was in bed with another person.” 

Q:  Do you feel like you snap out of yourself and become someone totally different when porn takes over?  Do you occasionally lose it and go into “consume” mode?

#2 – All-You-Can Eat Buffet Guy – When you place everything I like to eat in front of me I lose control.  I want platefuls of everything.  It’s like Christmas.  The Internet gives me this sexual buffet.  I can go wherever I want and find porn or fetishes in whatever my mind can imagine.  It takes me a long time in the buffet line to realize I’ve eaten too much and feel sick.  Only when I’m sick do I realize I’m out of control.

Q:  Do you feel sick from porn like a guy eating too much at the buffet? 

#3 – Quest For Unending Orgasm Guy – Thank God for making the orgasm feel so good, and for all the “feel good” chemicals that come.  It’s great.  But why can’t this last forever?  And why do I feel so much shame after?   Why can’t I stay here where it feels good all the time? The “high” of porn is addictive.  I chase after it, and will do whatever it takes to get my next fix. 

Q:  Do you feel like you keep chasing after the sexual high? 

#4 – I Want to Stop But I Can’t Guy – These are the times I want to stop.  I repent, clear my browsing history, throw away the magazines, stop calling my girlfriend only to go back again.  I try to stop 100 times and keep going back 101 times.  Whether it’s habit or my sin nature I feel out of control.  The pull to go back is too strong for me to overcome.  I can’t control myself. 

3-STEP ACTION PLAN
Accept that you’re out of control.  Porn numbs our feelings, so it takes a lot for us to feel out of control.  We don’t realize how bad it is until reality hits.  Many of us won’t wake up until we get caught, lose a job, or our spouse leaves us.  These are major moments of wake up.  But the 4 profiles I shared earlier are mini wake up moments too.  If you identify with any of them, porn is controlling you. 

Reach out horizontally.  This is where we come out of isolation and talk to somebody.  Shoot an email to XXXChurch, or one of the other ministries that helps guys get free from porn.  This is where we visit a support group or counselor for the first time.  Or maybe we talk with our minister.  But you have to reach outside of yourself to find freedom. 

Reach out vertically.  A lot of us talk with God, but probably not in the right way.  Real talking with God is open, honest and raw.  When was the last time you told God exactly what was on your heart?  Try it.  Even if you have to get mad at God or yell at Him.  For once, be honest with Him. If you are able to surrender your struggle to Him, that’s cool too.  Honesty is a major building block to find God’s power and freedom from sexual struggles. 

We get another vertical work out when we learning to surrender and submit.  Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit.  When we walk with God  our lust and sexual desire can’t lead the way anymore. 

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Jeff Fisher is a blogger and podcaster living in Raleigh, North Carolina.  He and his wife run www.porntopurity.com.  Jeff’s podcast Top Tips For Sexual Purity Podcast (I-Tunes) is one of the more popular podcasts on sexual addiction recovery. 

You can reach Jeff at [email protected]