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Sex And Glue

by Bryan Sands on November 30th, 2014 in Men, Women, Couples, Students

sex and glue blogpostDuring sexual activity, our brain releases a number of chemicals. Some of the chemicals include estrogen (the chemical that gets a woman in the mood), norepinephrine (the chemical that is like adrenaline and creates the palpitating heart), dopamine (the “pleasure chemical”), vasopressin (the “monogamy chemical”), and, the chief of all these chemicals: oxytocin (the “cuddle hormone”).

Think of oxytocin as glue, promoting bonding and attachment. If all the hormones had an opportunity to vote for the “most popular” hormone in the yearbook, oxytocin would win every time, because it makes others feel good and close when it is active. It has been dubbed the “cuddle hormone” or “love hormone” because it does simply that. Oxytocin creates bonding, trust, and generosity in us. In fact, whenever you feel comfort or security, thank oxytocin. It is involved in every form of human bonding from non-sexual interactions to sexual interactions.

Oxytocin is also involved in childbirth, breast-feeding, and in interactions like hugs or kisses, increasing trust and empathy, but one other crucial time oxytocin gets released is during sex. That’s when this chemical is produced in both partners, creating a bond between them. Released in the brain, this hormone creates an emotional bond between partners.

One of the prominent figures in neuropsychology is Dr. Daniel Amen, who does cutting-edge research in neuropsychology and has helped millions of people have healthier brains, which translates to healthier lives. One of the parts of our brain Dr. Amen mentions is the “deep limbic system” near the center of the brain. It sets the emotional tone of your mind, tags events as internally important, stores highly charged emotional memories, and controls appetite and sleep cycle, among other things. Dr. Daniel Amen writes in his book, Change Your Brain Change Your Life:

Whenever a person is sexually involved with another person, neurochemical changes occur in both their brains that encourage limbic, emotional bonding. Yet limbic bonding is the reason casual sex doesn’t really work for most people on a whole mind and body level. Two people may decide to have sex “just for the fun of it,” yet something is occurring on another level they might not have decided on at all: sex is enhancing an emotional bond between them whether they want it or not. One person, often the woman, is bound to form an attachment and will be hurt when a casual affair ends. One reason it is usually the woman who is hurt most is that the female limbic system is larger than the male’s.”

Whether we like it or not, that oxytocin is creating a bond between you and your partner; the more sexual encounters you have, the stronger the bond. (Tweet This!) When oxytocin is released, it also floods our brain with endorphins, a natural opiate that activates the pleasure center in our brain. Oxytocin, combined with vasopressin, “create vivid emotional, sensory memories, which in turn deepens feelings for the love object.” It also brings a couple closer together, brings happiness when “your song” plays, and makes you prefer your partner’s shape, smell, and overall appearance above all.

A person may choose to have sex once, or many times with many different people, and whether they know it or not, a bond gets formed each and every time. When that bond gets broken, well, it hurts. There’s a void. Does this resonate with you? Have you ever felt that hurt and pain after a one-night stand or breakup? Do you find yourself repeatedly playing the scenario in your mind, maybe even thinking of different outcomes? Chances are you are doing these things because of the attachment that was created between you and your partner when you were sexually involved. The emotional attachment that is created during sex (the glue) brings two people together. (Tweet This!)

So, the question we can ponder is: with whom do we want to create a bond sexually? And what does this mean for escapist sexual escapades with pornography? What kind of glue do you want to get stuck to? (Tweet This!)

 

best-sex-life-nowHave you ever felt that the quality of your sex life in your relationship is suffering and has eroded the emotional bonds that once existed? The good news is that it’s not too late! Best Sex Life Now is an online video course hosted by couples Dave & Ashley Willis and Craig & Jeanette Gross. Enjoy a real, honest conversation about sex, marriage, and intimacy. Get the Best Sex Life Now video course and start having the best sex you ever had!

Start having the BEST SEX NOW!

 

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  • Griffin Kelton

    Ironic because I’m sitting in the lobby of the Amen Clinic right now, founded by Daniel Amen.

    Great article!

  • Sam

    Wow! The part about the female limbic system being larger and how we cope with breakups makes so much sense.

  • albibird

    I find it immensely satisfying to know that love – the thing revered for thousands of years, the subject of so much poetry and philosophy, the thing regarded as among the most profound aspects of the human experience – can be traced to a hormone.

    • I find it fascinating that the more we learn about the human mind, the
      more we understand why we do what we do. And the fact that science is
      learning more and more about the chemicals and parts of the brain
      associated with love in no way diminishes love. Helen Fisher, one of the
      world’s leading anthropologists, has stated that just because we know
      the ingredients in a choclate cake does not mean one can no longer enjoy
      it. Romantic love is real–it is one of the most powerful forces in the
      world. The songs and poems of old and new are just as valuable and
      meaningful whether or not we know the intricacies of the mind.

      I appreciate you posting. Any thoughts?

  • Rochelle

    Well now I know why my laptop and I are in such a sticky relationship. #pornprobs

  • Nancy Spradling

    That’s a great, super informative article–Yoked together, united – Greek for joined. Glued, 1 Cor 6:12-20 13 says:The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.- If our bodies are members of “Christ himself” yikes!, then this adds a whole other epoxy to the mix- Cause His word is letting us know we have company and we surly wouldn’t want to defile what we have with Jesus. With the release of Oxycontin and Endorphin and the power it has over our bodies we need to cry out to
    Jesus for help and He will help!
    Pro. 4:23 ((above all else)), guard your heart, for “everything you do” flows from it. How great is it to know that we serve a forgiving God when we come to Him with our ignorance and ask for forgiveness. Bryan you continue to bless us every time you preach at church or write on your site, you discuss topics that most clergy avoid, I respect that- I know your Mom and Dad are soooooo proud of you, me too . God has truly blessed your faithfulness, just look at your Caz and Abby. Blessed!

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