First off, if you struggle with porn this part is for you.
It’s really easy when you are someone who struggles with porn to fall into the trap of trying to fix yourself. So you try and read the Bible more or pray more and act really Holy.
But most of the time we run out of steam and end up back at square one.
It can be really disheartening. You want so desperately to be free but you can’t seem to manage it. You do everything you think you are supposed to do but nothing works.
I’ll repeat that again.
You do everything you think you are supposed to do but nothing works.
And that is the point.
We spend so much time trying to fix ourselves that we forget that we can’t.
If you struggle with porn you will not be able to fix it yourself.
We need help. We need other people. We need people to care about how we are doing. So if you struggle with porn you need to bite the bullet and tell someone. That is the only way you will ever be free.
The people whose help and support are going to be crucial to those of us who sometimes struggle with porn.
The accountability partners.
This is for you. Just a few tips that will help you help you be the best darn accountability partner you can be this Holiday Season.
So first things first.
1. The first step is the hardest.
You may not think it but the person you are keeping accountable is probably terrified to tell you about their problem. They most likely have never told anyone before and they are trusting you to not go and blab to Doris in your prayer triplet. They may think they are the only person in the history of time who has ever looked at pictures of naked women/men, which is, of course, ridiculous but that is what they will believe.
So keep it on the low down. Show them you can be trusted. Show them they can tell you anything and you won’t be shocked.
2. Be firm and soft at the same time (no pun intended).
The one thing that someone who struggles with a porn addiction needs is someone who will not be afraid to call it like it is. We may try and make excuses or provide ‘reasoning’ for our actions. There are some key phrases to listen out for. For example, “Like I said last time, it won‘t happen again”, “the devil made me do it” or “Geez I don’t know how those pictures got there, I think I saw my Gran surfing the web before me though.”
But seriously, sometimes we need a kick in the butt and told to wise up.
Sometimes that can be the best thing we can hear. On the other hand, sometimes we need to know that we can do it. We need to be told regularly that we are loved and that God loves us and that you love us and that the cycle we find ourselves in can come to an end. We need a lot of Grace and a lot of Hope.
3. Just be there
I’m not saying you need to hide in your friend’s closet, ready to jump out at them every time they get a little bit porn trigger happy with the mouse and keyboard (that’s just creepy), but you do need to be available if they need to talk.
There is nothing worse when you have opened up to someone than thinking they have forgotten about you and your problem. Sometimes it takes a little getting used to being open so it’s your job to get them in the swing and regularly call/meet up/ask how they are getting on?
Let them know you are in for the long haul.
4. Guide them to knowing God better.
At the end of the day God wants us to be in a relationship with him or her and He wants us to replace porn with His Love.
So pray with/for them.
Help them discover God themselves. Help them discover what are the root issues of their addiction. Show them how God has worked in other people’s lives in the Bible. Help them see Jesus in you, so they will know that he is real and what porn provides is fake.
Give the best gift you can this Christmas and be love for someone who needs it.
So we can all have a Merry porn-free Christmas.