One of the harms that we deal with most in our ministry is the impact that using pornography has on those closest to the porn user. In popular media today, pornography is often promoted as a sex-enhancer and an important part of a young person’s sex-education. Celebrities and talk show hosts alike have talked about using pornography to bring you closer to your significant other. So what do you think? Can pornography be used as a sex-enhancer or does it ultimately drive people apart?
It’s my opinion and our opinion at XXXchurch.com that pornography can actually be very destructive to relationships, but for another take, here are a few excerpts from a Salon.com article that fellow blogger Kevin E. Outland sent over. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. And if you’re a caring parent who believes that pornography can be harmful to your kids and their future relationships, then check out our resources for help as you engage this topic.
I am 20 and have been living with my boyfriend, who is much older than I am, for over two years. We have always had a healthy sex life. Previous to being with me, he was single for five years and he watched porn daily. Soon after I moved in, I discovered he was into teenage porn. I asked him to stop watching it, and he promised he would. A few months later, I found he was still watching it daily. He told me later that he would sneak it while I was in the other room and masturbate to it. I explained to him that aside from it being creepy, I also considered it unfaithful.
I did not understand why my body wasn’t enough to satisfy him. I was willing to give him sex whenever he wanted, yet he chose to relieve himself to other girls. He explained to me that he had “this urge to see other women naked.” He promised to stop, but once again, a few months later, I found some porn on his phone’s browser history. He confessed that he had been watching it during his lunch breaks at work. I was very upset and went to stay with my mother for a few weeks.
He was very apologetic but told me he would never get over his craving for porn. He also promised that he would go to therapy for his porn addiction and would try to stop because it hurt me. He went to therapy, but it seems like they just talked about why porn was so alluring to him rather than how to stop it.
After a few months of therapy, he quit going. I decided to take action, and I monitored his computer daily and kept tabs on him to check if he was watching porn. I also decided that keeping him away from triggers would help him not crave it as much (he agreed). Whenever we would rent movies for example, we would choose ones without nudity in them. I also went as far as refusing to go to the beach with him (because I knew that if we went he would be checking out young girls and may even have to masturbate to them later on).
Now simply going into a supermarket full of teenagers dressed in provocative clothing worries me. He admitted he would never get over this teen fetish/desire for teen porn he has. Currently he swears he hasn’t watched porn for over six months. I have no idea if he is lying or not because I have stopped checking his computer for evidence because it started too many fights about how I was “too controlling.”
I am not sure what to do. I love him, but at the same time I hate that aspect of his personality. I am staying with him hoping that he really has stopped, but deep down I do not think he has. If I were to catch him again, I would leave him for good.