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How Do I Talk to my Kids About Sex?

by Kevin E. Outland on July 22nd, 2013 in Parents

So you’re thinking it’s about time to have “The Talk” with your kid. Hopefully you haven’t waited to long to have the birds and bees discussion. If part of your planning for this event involves driving to their college you’re a tad late. In this fast paced world of technology kids learn things a lot faster then when we were young. So you can’t base the timeframe for the talk on when your parents had the talk with you. When you were a kid the Internet didn’t exist and that changed a lot of things. 

So you’ve gotten up the courage to do this thing. You have them sit down and you’re ready to start. You open up your mouth to share your wisdom on sex and…..nothing comes out. Your mind goes blank. You try again, “Ahh, sex, ahh. Well you see, ahh, when two people love each other and are married they, ahh. Sex is when, ahh. A Stork didn’t bring you to our house. Sex did and ahh…. Have any questions?”. Your kid is now freaking out as you’re sitting there sweating, babbling and saying the word “sex”. You’ll need a better plan than that. You can’t really wing the sex talk. 

So here is a plan of attack that can help you:

  1. Come prepared and know what you’re going to say. Don’t bring and agenda and hand it to them but you should have a mental agenda. This will help you not to get tongue-tied and veer off course.
  2. Be confident. The talk can be a bit awkward but if you’re really nervous and turning red the only thing your kid will be thinking is “when will this end” and they won’t be hearing a thing you say.
  3. Explain the mechanics of how reproduction works. Don’t try to get all fluffy and leave the birds, bees and other animals and insects out of it. Just lay out the facts.
  4. Be ready for questions. Questions are a great sign. It means they’re listening and comfortable enough to talk in more detail. If they stump you with a question just be honest and say you don’t know but you’ll find out and get back with them.
  5. Remember “the talk” isn’t a one-time event. This is the beginning of a conversation that hopefully will continue. You want them to know that they can talk to you about sex anytime. This also means you don’t have to tell them everything you know about sex all at once. Look for teachable moments where you can continue the conversation. 

So there is your plan of attack. Now go plan your sex talk. Don’t worry. You’ll do great!

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