At first, when children see pornography on the Internet, they don’t realize they’re watching fiction.
There is so much of it – and much of it claims to be performed by real people; they assume it must be what adults do.
Any curious child logging on would quickly come to the conclusion that sex is a performance, not an act of emotional intimacy.
The problem is it can take a lot to undo these damaging first impressions if our kids don’t know any better. For children, who are born with an inbuilt sense of right and wrong, these images are also deeply disorientating. Furthermore, to add to their confusion, many of these females they see are identified as “barely legal” – in other words they appear to be 16 (or younger) – but are actually 18-year-old actors, in order to get around child porn laws. They are depicted as real teenage babysitters, cheerleaders, and schoolgirls.
But to a child’s mind, it must be OK, because adults allow it on the Internet.
The message they receive loud and clear is that they are already objects of lust, old enough to engage in any sexual activity going on.
The sex that our daughters hear so much about – and feel so much pressure to take part in – is shown as a brutal recreational pastime that men do to women.
There is no kissing, no expressions of love or moments of tenderness. Women are casually reduced to being referred as, sluts and stupid bitches – and worse.
To reinforce these messages even further, when kids turn off their computers, porn’s influence is rubber-stamped everywhere they look – from the cover of men’s magazines to the music videos they view on their phones and TV’s.
It’s true that younger kids – mainly under the age of 13 – will initially greet extreme images with repugnance.
A survey by the Children’s Digital Media Centre found that a quarter of young people who saw porn initially felt disgust shock or surprise. Other negative emotions were anger, fear and sadness.
But gradually, it’s clear that children become desensitized as they start to view pornography as a guide to what they think their peers are doing – and how they too should perform sexually.
To date, there have been no long-term studies about how this exposure affects young minds. For obvious reasons, we can’t expose children to explicit porn and compare them with those who haven’t viewed such images. But given the hundreds of studies linking TV violence to real life violence over the last 30 years, it would be naïve to believe that porn has no effect.
Interestingly, it’s the first generation of young people exposed to porn in its current volume who are also first to recognise how this early exposure affected them.
In a poll for the book Pornified, it’s 18 to 24-year–olds who are most in favour of measures to regulate porn. Four in ten in this age group believe it damages relationships, compared with three in ten twenty-five to forty-year-olds.
So let’s ask the people in the first generation to grow up with Internet porn how they feel about its effects. They could provide us with some enlightening answers.
Tanith Carey is author of “Where Has My Little Girl Gone? How to Protect your Daughter from Growing up Too Soon”, available on Amazon.com, price $19.99.
Editor’s Note: Has your child stumbled upon online pornography? If so, understand that children are naturally curious about sex and they need and want adult guidance. Don’t freak out, blame or shame your child. Talk to your kids about healthy sexuality and establish an ongoing dialogue with your kids to replace the counterfeit messages prevalent in our culture and throughout Internet pornography. Watch out for teachable moments. If your child mentions sex to a friend, you overhear conversations during carpool, or pornography or sex are referenced during a TV show you are watching together, start a conversation and clarify any questions your child may have. Remember that the best defense is a strong offense–be proactive and use filters, like SafeEyes, on your computers and your child’s mobile devices. For more, check out our Parent Resources.