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How Do I Get Over the Pain & Resentment Caused by Divorce?

by Craig Gross on January 28th, 2019 in Podcast, Men, Women, Couples, Students, Spouses

Hey, it’s Craig (obviously). This week, we’re talking about divorce. A glaring, recurring question often asked of us is, “Just how do I get through the pain and the trauma of my divorce or the resentment caused from the divorce?” How do I move on from that?

Personally, I can’t put myself in your shoes on this one, but I’ve had a lot of close friends who have experienced divorce and the heartache it brings – not just for them and their spouses, but for their kids, their families, and their friends.

I’ve seen the ups and downs. I’ve also seen plenty of people who seem to expect them to just “get over it” and move on. 

From divorce flows deep pain… and perhaps especially within the church. Within many a congregation, divorcees may as well have been stricken with the plague. You don’t fit in because you’re not married… but you’re not exactly single, either.

I wanted you to hear from my friend Dave because I watched him go through a divorce. I’ve seen him on his best days and I’ve seen him on his worst days.

I know that it’s a process. I know this stuff takes time. But if you never take the time to figure out where and why you are experiencing resentment, you’ll never be able to heal from it. 

(And stay tuned – next month, we’re going to build upon all that we’ve been discussing as we tackle how you can work toward healing from the wounds of resentment, and break free from the addiction that it often fuels.)

MY FAVORITE QUOTES FROM THIS PODCAST EPISODE

  • There’s a lot of pain — deep pain — that flows from divorce… and perhaps especially within the church. Within many a congregation, divorcees may as well have been stricken with the plague.
  • I know that it’s a process and I think this stuff takes time. But if you never take the time to figure out where you have resentment, you’ll never be able to heal from it.
  • Resentment is at the core of whatever pain people are trying to escape from. If we can deal with unforgiveness, we can experience breakthrough in many areas of our lives.
  • Are we going to hold onto resentment and allow it to eat us up… or can we forgive?
  • You have to be honest about what’s real inside of you. We all have to start there. Otherwise, we’ll keep holding onto (or suppressing) our pain, and others will not understand why we’re so angry, or why we react the way that we react (and likely, neither will we).
  • It’s important for me to spend the time that needs to be spent. Do the journaling. Go to therapy. Connect the dots… and choose to forgive.
  • Sometimes, I need to forgive myself. I recognize I’m angry at or disappointed in myself. All right, well I can sit in that and feel like crap, or I can actually just forgive myself and move forward.
  • Awareness is a powerful and freeing thing. How are you thinking? How are you feeling toward others? That’s 80% of the healing process, right there.

 

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