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My Husband Won’t Stop Looking at Porn

by Craig Gross on October 29th, 2018 in Podcast, Men, Women, Couples, Spouses

 

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So this question came in from a wife: “My husband said he would never look at porn again. Why does he continue? I don’t understand why he won’t take ownership for his life, his issues, his shit, and clean up his mess.”

So they’re kind of two in the same. If you’re that dude, don’t tell your wife you’re never going to look at porn again. Let’s be honest. You’re going to look at porn again. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Guys, I don’t want to set you up for failure. Have that conversation with your wife and say, “You know what, I don’t want to do this and I know it hurts you and I know it’s not good for me. So I do not want to keep looking at porn. What I’m going to do is I’m going to do these things and put these things in place so I don’t go down that road. And if there’s anything else that you think I’ve missed or I need to add, I would love to hear those.”

Dude, you got yourself into this hole. You climb yourself out of it.

We’ve got a bunch of different resources, like X3watch, and these things can help lead you down the right path but you got to make the next step.

And women, then there comes the point where you can be his mom or you can be his wife. Guys, don’t want another mom. If you are nagging and harping on him and communicating that you don’t trust him, that’s not a good relationship. It’s toxic.

What would be much better is engaging in those hard conversations with your husband. Learn more about what he’s dealing with and why it’s so difficult sometimes for him. Realize that men are wired much differently than women; this is something we talk about extensively in the book Through a Man’s Eyes.

Walking through these struggles WITH HIM will be far more productive for the both of you than expecting him to do it all alone while you sit ACROSS FROM HIM.

He’s gotta do the work for there to be real change, but you need to be an active partner in the process.

Our Favorite Quotes From This Podcast Episode

  • If you’re that dude, don’t tell your wife you’re never going to look at porn again. You’re going to look at porn again, like just be honest. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
  • It’s not rocket science, guys. Where do you find porn? Why do you look at porn? Where do you go to? Start writing it down and then get to the root of some of this stuff.
  • Dude, you got yourself into this hole. You climb yourself out of it. Like you figure it out.
  •  I can’t just eliminate it and go burn it. No, that’s not going to work. That’s like a white knuckled change. I’ve got to get to the root of some of this stuff.
  •  If you’ve never done the work to figure out why you’re looking at porn in the first place, don’t make the commitment that you’ll never look at porn again. Do the work. It’s hard work. Start figuring it out.
  •  “Why does my husband say he’s never going to look at porn and then it looks at porn?” Because it’s hard! He doesn’t not love you, he just doesn’t want to do the work. It’s hard work. It’s painful. There’s trauma, possibly. There’s deceit, there’s lies. There’s stuff that he’s not proud of. There’s resentment, there’s all sorts of things. It’s overwhelming and he doesn’t know where to begin.
  •  Gyms love January because we all go back and sign up. Guess what? Gyms love every month after January more because you’re not in the gym but you’re still paying for it because you feel bad for quitting. The work is hard.
  • If your wife is nagging and harping on you and she doesn’t trust you, that’s not a good relationship.
  • If somebody doesn’t want to work on something in themselves, that’s hurting your relationship. Either you’re working on your relationship or you’re not.
  • If you get to a place where your husband repeatedly says, “I’m not willing to work on it,” he’s saying, “I don’t value the relationship. The commitment I made to you at the altar doesn’t mean anything and I’m not willing to put in the time and the work.”
  • I’m tired of the women doing all the work for the man. He’s got eyes and he’s got ears. He can watch a video, he could read a book, he could call a friend, he can do all those things and the fact that he’s doing none of them, that’s why you’re in this hole.
  • The Bible says sin clouds your vision from seeing Christ clearly. There’s this fog and you know when you’re foggy and your drive and you can’t see what’s in front of you, he can’t see what’s in front of him and he’s just buried in this stuff.
  • Stop telling your wife you’re never looking porn again. Don’t lie to her. And then stop saying you’re going to do something and not do it. Try and figure out.
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  • Shelley Goddard

    I sent an email the big burger company advertising with breasts. I asked them to stop assaulting my sons visually. I haven’t seen a busty burger commercial since. Aside from that, I’m growing increasingly apathetic toward a “mans eyes.” Let them poke themselves in eye with hot poker for all I care. They don’t want help. They want to wallow in their sh**. LADIES DONT LISTEN TO THIS BULL. They manipulate you into becoming a nag so they can have an excuse to keep doing what they are doing. Concentrate on becoming your best self and let them have their robots. They’ll eventually jerk themselves into a useless pile of sludge and we’ll have the world.

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