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My Wife Is So Angry About My Porn Use, What Can I Do?

by Craig Gross on January 14th, 2019 in Podcast, Men, Women, Couples, Spouses

Hey guys, Craig again. This month we’re talking about resentment, so – speaking of – here’s a question I often receive: “My wife is so angry about my porn use, what can I do?”

If you’re reading that question and coming to the realization that, “Oh no! That’s me…!” – you’re in the right place.

And – if you’re the angry wife (justifiably so) – fed up with your husband’s porn use, you’re also in the right place.

The first thing to understand is this: a husband and wife are going to look at the husband’s porn use in totally different ways. For guys, it might be a one-off fantasy. But for your wife…? To her, it feels like you’ve entered into a relationship with someone else.

There’s a total disconnect between you two. Husbands, you have to put yourself in her shoes. Start there. That’s the number one thing.

When we choose not to listen to one another – when we allow resentment to detract from our ability to sympathize with and meet one another where we’re both at – we inevitably construct a wall that keeps us from connection and intimacy. She’s mad that he’s still looking at porn. He’s mad that she doesn’t want to have sex.

Up and up it goes, each new offense another layer of cinderblock atop a wall growing too high to climb. That’s where marriages end. It’s where relationships fall apart. Your wall has become insurmountable, and your friendship has devolved into a chasm.

This week, I want to introduce you to Carl and Katie Thomas. Maybe their story is a lot like your story. If you find yourself doubting that, someday, you and your spouse could be healed from porn and resentment, you need to watch this video. 

In this week’s podcast, Carl and Katie talk about how porn impacted their marriage… but they also talk about what created the porn problem in the first place. Resentment was not only a root cause of tension in their marriage, but also a root cause of Carl’s porn use. When Katie was able to understand and empathize with Carl (and vice verse), both of them were able to work together toward overcoming pornography, and the cycle of resentment it caused in their relationship.

 

MY FAVORITE QUOTES FROM THIS PODCAST EPISODE

  • You’re a grown adult, and you taking responsibility for yourself shows that you’re interested in change. You’re interested in working through and past the problem.
  • Husbands, you’ve got to put yourself in your wife’s shoes before you expect her to put herself in yours.
  • Resentment is like a wall in your relationship.
  • Relationships end when the walls you’ve been building between you become insurmountable.

 

LISTEN TO THE AUDIO

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