Frequently Asked Questions.
I am a 29 year old male who is engaged to a young lady. We have been together almost two years. 6 months into our then crazy relationship, I discovered that she was an extremely high-end call girl. She doesn’t live this way anymore obviously, but I want to be at peace about this. It haunts me. I don’t know how to (A) get peace about her past (B) Get right with God and lead her. HELP!
I know that we have a hard time understanding a persons past and that we can struggle with this. God can forgive her and with that we need to as well. If you live in the past it will only hold you back from moving forward and living your life.
I would recommend that you try and talk to a someone at a great group called Hookers for Jesus. Their site is http://www.hookersforjesus.net the lady who runs this is Annie Lambert and she once was in your soon to be wives shoes. She is now married and I am sure that they can shed some really good light on this topic for you.
I am a University student studying religious studies and so have many classes that think they expressing what the core beliefs of Christianity are. Inevitably, the issue of homosexuality comes up and as a Christian, I get many questions about my views on this matter and I get asked to share by non-Christians about how I feel about it.
I am at a loss of how to explain it in a way that isn’t lying, but will not give them the wrong impression.
As someone who struggles with same-sex attraction, this issue is very personal for me and I don’t know how to explain it without sounding like a hypocrite.
(Please keep my name and location private please)
It is our understanding and belief that same sex attraction is a sin and is not what was intended for us by God. We also believe as I am sure you are aware that sin is sin. There is no level of sin out there. Our stance with sin has been that we all sin and no matter what we do that God will always love us and never give up on us.
That being said though He does not like it when we sin either. It bothers Him when we walk away from His way and do nothing to try and correct it.
God loves us no matter who or what we are and there is nothing we can do that will turn His love away from us. The best option when talking to people about this is to be biblically sound in your conversation. Leave nothing that can be questioned or twisted on the table when doing so.
I have an addiction to pornography. It started 14 years ago and while I have tried and tried to quit cold turkey I was never able to hold out for longer than a couple of weeks. I would always try on my own to quit but it never worked. Shame was always the reason I was never able to seek true accountability. Pornography got so bad in my life many times I had a hard time sleeping at night without watching porn and masturbating. Also porn has taken me to a place I never wanted to go. I have watched homosexual porn when regular porn “didn’t do it for me”. The percentage of watching homosexual porn was probably 100+ to 1 but still it made me feel so dirty and bad, and I know that I am not a homosexual. I have never had any true feeling of satisfaction from my porn addiction because every time, every single time I would condemn myself for it. What the hell are you doing was the most common thought after I would ejaculate. I would try to read articles and books that say it’s ok to try to justify it but that never worked either. I would chat in the yahoo chat rooms, buy credits on video chat websites, even solicit people on craigslist, never with the intentions to hook up but hoping they would send me pictures to masturbate to. (It never worked. I never got any responses) I am 28 years old now and last week my girlfriend found sent emails to craigslist. She sent me the screen name I used and I knew there was no hiding it. With complete honesty I told her everything. It is crazy there was this huge release of a weight when I came clean about my secret sin. I felt as if for the first time in my life this thing is in the open and now with the help of God I can beat it. I told my roommate, my parents, my brothers, my best friends and my accountability partners. It feel’s so good to be in the light with this. I have this complete confidence that I will never go back into that dark jail cell I have been living in. Anyways what I need help with is when the weight was lifted from pornography a heavier weight came when I hurt my very best friend in the world, my girlfriend. She has accused me of being a secret homosexual or bi curious. She is living in a nightmare, she never would have expected this to happen to her, and keeps asking me why I tried to hurt her. What did she do to deserve this pain from me? All I can tell her is I didn’t intend to hurt her and I am sorry. She says that she can forgive me and in time I might be able to earn back trust, but it will be very hard for me to earn it back. I know this means being completely honest with her and truly gaining freedom from this. She is not so much worried about the porn addiction but her major hurt comes from me trying to contact others. My question is what can I do as someone with no trust in her life do to help her get through this, if there is anything? And second I plan to get professional help as soon as possible, but I am broke, is there any free help with counselors, I have asked my church and they said I can meet with a pastor and I will but I don’t really think they have the tools I need, I already now to read my bible and pray. I have gotten accountability with people I love and trust. And I would love the 30 day accountability software but I can’t afford it. Is there anything you can do to help me beyond this?
Your courage to come clean is extraordinary.
First, confess to God where you are at. Tell Him everything, the big and little stuff. He forgives you. Your heart must be ready for change. Go to him and prayer and get in the scriptures.
You must get accountability in your life. You need to tell someone about all of this. Someone you trust such as a pastor, close friend, or youth leader. Someone who is going to make you own your decision to change and call you out when you stumble. This is hard, but you must do it.
Then take practical steps in your life to clean it up. Get X3watch on your computer and have the reports sent to your accountability partner. X3watch is a program that you can put on your computer and sends any questionable websites to your one or two accountability partners. Go to x3watch to download the software. You must tackle your struggle head on by changing things in your life, do not get on the computer at times when your feel tempted, identify patterns in your life, and possibly get rid of the computer. Tackle it all head on, wherever you are at. This stuff is not worth it!