Frequently Asked Questions.
How can I get away from my desire to be with another guy?
I think the key word you used was “desire”.
Regardless of what unwanted behavior or desire we possess, I believe it we desire it then there’s a good chance that desire is not going to just disappear; however there are plenty of other things we can do to pursue other desires that are pure and are right and hopefully those will overcome the others.
I have a close friend who loves the Lord. This friend is also and has always been attracted to the same sex. For a period of time this person walked away from God because they said they couldn’t do both and then they “experimented” in the lifestyle they thought they wanted but said that they never had any peace and were always filled with emptiness so they decided to turn back to the Lord and pray that the desire would go away. It never did, but because my friend has put other things in place that are conducive with the life they want to live, they are walking out a life without the lifestyle that is not conducive to their beliefs and convictions (hope that made sense!). We had this conversation again the other day and they said the longer they replace the desire or thoughts with other things, the easier and less frequent the thoughts or desires come.
I don’t know what to do anymore I have struggled with porn and sexual addiction to long and I have ruined my marriage. My wife has had enough and I have fully committed to getting over this but i don’t know if she wants to try and fix it. And now she is talking to other guys online and I tried talking to her last night about it and she has shut down and doesn’t want to listen to anything I say or try and understand what I’m going through. I don’t know what to do anymore is it to late for us?
If both spouses are committed to God and to their marriage vows then it is never too late.
If one or both spouses have hardened their heart toward the other then it takes a miracle—but those still exist too.
The best advice I can give you is to put all your words into action. If you’ve been double-minded in your own walk as well as in your marriage it is going to take some proving before your wife will really begin to see you are serious.
If you are serious about breaking free for the RIGHT reasons then you will continue to pursue this regardless of what your wife chooses at this point.
Keep pursuing freedom and keep pursuing your wife in love.
I’ve been a longtime visitor of your site (due to my even longer visiting of other sites and giving into lust), and have begun to enjoy longer periods of freedom from stumbles, slip-ups, and full on binging. I don’t want to pat myself on the back, but thank Christ for whatever strength and the infinite grace He’s given me, but onto the question:
I’ve been turning to porn for comfort, intimacy and stress-relief for about 7 years (in varying degrees of frequency), and I’ll be reaching 100 days of freedom next month. The trouble is, I’ve begun to develop romantic interests in a friend of mine. However, even though we are not in a romantic relationship, and I’m not thinking about her sexually, I begin to get aroused when I’m around her or texting her. Our conversations are nonsexual, but despite prayers and a very strong desire for it not to happen, my body’s reaction makes me resort to walking awkwardly and sitting whenever I can. I’m at a loss of what to do. Is this just an artifact of my past actions and thought-processes, or is it a permanent scar? I live in a very shut-in, conservative Christian community, and have talked to the few people I trust on the matter, but their answers range from “I can’t help you” to “That happens to me too”. I’m very frustrated with myself and am at a loss of what to do, as the frequency has not decreased. Do you know anything on the matter that can help, or of someone else I can ask about this?
Thanks in advance!
Well… the guy who said he can’t help you probably didn’t want to say what the other guy said “That happens to me too” but the truth of the matter is, if it is as you describe it- not romantic or sexual, but simply an attraction that your body is responding to without any effort on your part then… it is involuntary. You will just have to work through it. Obviously it is an annoyance but it is a response to something being triggered in the brain. If you study the brain on porn you will see how different brain chemicals are released when engaged in porn viewing. I’m not saying that because you were hooked on porn you are stuck with this the rest of your life but what I am saying is that your brain “remembers” the same “feeling” or “emotion” that triggered the chemical release before is happening again only this time it is not with porn but with a romantic interest. If you haven’t read the book Pure Eyes you may want to. The book describes the physiological aspects and will help you to understand better what has happened in your brain.
Give yourself some time– keep redirecting your thoughts away from the obvious and I think this will resolve itself in time.