Frequently Asked Questions.
I’ve been raised in a church my whole life but was never seriously involved. The church was in the inner-city of Cincinnati and the demographic they were appealing to never truly appealed or spoke to me. I say because it gave me a knowledge of who Jesus is, but not the heart to pursue him.
Fast forward to me attending a (very very very) baptist school where again, I was learning more about the character of Jesus, but nothing about how much he loved me. This all changed shortly after my 18th birthday where I decided to attend a church service on campus one day.
I felt Jesus’ love for me in a way that is indescribable, and being over a year later, I’m an active member of the church. I got baptized, I volunteer with the facilities team as well as the prayer team and I’ve made awesome friendships and have even guided others to a relationship with him.
Here’s what I struggle with: through all that He has done for me, I still don’t have the willpower to break my pornography addiction. I’m in a “leading” position on the prayer team but am at the same time am following my own desires despite my best attempts.
I came into the church an addict, and over a year later, am still an addict. I found you guys on Crossroads’ website and am seeking anything, whether it’s support, encouragement, or answers.
Here’s the short answer. You have to be willing to be completely transparent (even to the point of being uncomfortable) and be willing to do whatever it takes to lay this down if you really want to be free.
You said it best when you said you still “follow” your desires. It’s your choice but it’s making you crazy and full of conviction because it should. The bible tells us that a double-minded man is unstable in all of his ways and it also says that we cannot serve two masters. You are going to have to make a choice. Whether you willingly choose or not is up to you but if not, eventually you will be found out. Being in a leadership position in your church is a privilege and you will feel so much better when you do the right thing.
If you have no clue where to start with accountability, check out Craig Gross’ book OPEN. It will be a tremendous help.
You can also visit the START HERE section for some suggestions and resources.
Thank You for everything so far. I’m still struggling with porn but i know i will overcome this now. I have a question
Having sex with Your wife is not The solution. I get that. But won’t it at least help a little? As i understood it, what You have sex with You bond with. So that should mean that it’s better than not to continue to have sex with Your wife in The recovery process.
Again i get that this is not The solution but a detail i’ve been thinking about
What Are Your thoughts?
Thanks for your question.
We don’t ever recommend withholding sex from a spouse regardless of struggles EXCEPT for a time of prayer and fasting as suggested in the Bible. We absolutely think sex with your spouse is vital and necessary, but we also know that if it is filled with selfishness and lust it can be more damaging to the marriage bed. I’m not suggesting that is what you’re doing or will do, just responding completely here.
I want to start an accountability group with my friend but it seems he is not too willing to do it although he admitted to me that he is a casual porn user like me. Should I consider somebody else?
In order for accountability to really work it must go both ways. You must have a commitment from all parties or your efforts are futile.
Consider reading the book OPEN to understand what accountability should really look like and the benefits that come from an authentic accountability relationship.