Questions


Frequently Asked Questions.

I have seen porn when I was 13/14 in 2009 and I start to masturbate a year later

Well, I’ve seen porn when I was in 7th grade and I start to masturbate when I was in 8th grade in ends of december, since then I can’t stop, and my mom doesn’t know yet, only a friend of mine knows that, but I don’t know what to do, I became into an addict to this, I have pray but I can’t find an answer, I want to get help but I don’t know where to start, and this has became into a some-kind of curse, I can’t see the girl that I like (without her knowing) to her eyes, because my mind starts to create something more horrible, I can’t see a model, cosplayer girl, actress or any beautiful women because this is eatting me alive. What can I do?

Thanks for your question.  I think you will find much of the answers you are looking for if you spend some time on our site.  There are hundreds of blogs written by other men who have been right where you are.  I think you will find hope and encouragement from those who have found victory over the same battle.  We also have an abundance of resources and book recommendations in the resource section of the Men’s category on the main site.

Can i ever have sex again?

im 18 and im porn and sex addict i found Jesus as my lord and savor about 3 weeks ago. i was watching porn 3 to 4 times a day i was having sex 2 to 3 times a week im wondering if i were to get married if i would be able to even have sex with my wife because of how bad my addiction is to it. because alcoholics dont drink any more would i even be able to have sex in marriage or would i fall back into my addiction.

This is a great question!!

As with any life consuming addiction and bondage one must stay clear of the bondage and the triggers that cause them to run to it. 

Sex outside of marriage and porn is the bondage for you.   Having a God centered marriage where sex within that marriage is a reflection of your love and commitment to one another is not. 

Could sex within marriage cause your mind to start having thoughts about previous sexual encounters and or experiences?  Sure it can.   There are always consequences for sin.  Sometimes those continue to play out and are not punishment but just the aftermath of our own sin choices… so yes- you will still need to be on guard.  You will still need accountability.  You will still need to refute lies in your mind with the sword of Truth to slay the lies and deception.

Do not fear marriage or the marriage bed.  It is a beautiful gift.

I also would encourage you to meditate on Matthew 6:33-34

God bless you!!

Masturbation

I am struggling with masturbation. I am now 19 and a sophomore in college and I was exposed to pornography in the 5th grade through a friend of the family and I became addicted. I was not freed until 10th grade, but I soon after fell into a masturbation addiction (without porn, I don’t even need porn to have the urge). I even tried to jack off to a dog (only once). I stopped for a while but then I started dating a girl who I compromised my sexual desires with. We never had sex but we would come close and I would actually ejaculate while we were kissing and rubbing each other. I’m sorry to be so graphic about this. I knew the relationship was deadly spiritually and emotionally and socially. She cut me down all the time and I became dependent on her in a way. I tried to break up with her at one point but she guilted me back. And so I prayed to God for a way out if it was His will and He provided. She ended up breaking up with me and dating some other guy a month later. I have spoke to a counselor about this and it has helped, but my obsession with sexual thoughts has increased during and after this relationship to the point where I am afraid no woman would be willing to marry a wretch like me. I would like to date a woman who loves the Lord again some day and discover God’s calling on my life. I would love to minister the gospel to others, but first I need help. This masturbation problem for me is within the mind and heart. I no longer view pornography and I have plenty of friends yet this sin is preventing me from growing closer to them from shame. My heart seems to be continually attacked by sexually immoral thoughts which I hate to the core because it distorts God’s good creation, but I still find myself masturbating. The frequency fluctuates, but it usually is no more than once a week. As I mentioned I have already sought help. What should I do? I feel like no one understands my problem because I don’t use porn to masturbate. Please help and pray to the Lord Jesus Christ for me to put my sin to death. Thank you!

I appreciate your heart’s cry and I also understand how hard it can be to find others who will understand exactly where you are coming from especially when so many will tell you that masturbation in and of itself is not sin.   The point here though is that YOU are convicted.  YOU know what this is doing to you mentally and spiritually.  YOU are being held back and consumed by it.   So YES– it is a real battle for you even if it is not for them (or they think it is not!)

You have got to stop trying to find people who understand and turn to the God who created you and knows you inside and out.  HE UNDERSTANDS,  He knows you and He loves you just the same.

He knows that your thoughtlife is the real issue here and your thoughts as well as self control are unbridled.  So I am going to go out on a limb here and tell you not to focus right now on the masturbation and the guilt and shame you feel as a result of it.  I am going to suggest that you start with confession of your thought life being unbridled.  I am going to suggest that you begin to really be proactive in “thinking on things lovely and thinking on things TRUE”.   What does that look like?

It may sound silly.  It looks like 3×5 cards with PROMISES and TRUTH from GOD slapped all over your living space, your car, your workplace or study place.  It looks like taking every thought captive—meaning when you start to catch yourself drifting you say (EVEN OUT LOUD IF NECESSARY) “this is a lie” and then refute it with truth.   ALWAYS cancel the lie out with truth.

Matthew 6:33 says to seek the things of the Kingdom of God FIRST and then all the other things will be added unto us.    Here is Matthew 6:30-34 in the Message translation:

“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

 “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

 

I do think that you may also find the counseling that Pure Life Ministries or the X3groups offers quite helpful.

God bless you.

Resources

Thanks, you're signed up!


We will be sending your first email shortly.

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add craig@xxxchurch.com to your address book
2. Mark your 1st email from us as NOT SPAM


PS. If you don't get your 1st email in the next 5 minutes check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×

Thanks, you're signed up!


Thanks for registering for the 30 Day Challenge!

We will be sending you an email shortly.

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add craig@xxxchurch.com to your address book
2. Mark your email from us as NOT SPAM


PS. If you don't get your email in the next few hours check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×
You really want to exit? ×

Latest Blog Posts


×