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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
Hi, I have had a long struggle with porn and masterbation I have been 9 months without either. My question is im newly married, (2 months) and despite having a physical relationship with my wife, and no outside stimulation, I’m having dreams about sex (not my wife) often, and those dreams sometimes lead to ejaculation. Is this normal? Is there something I can do? My wife believes it’s something I should be able to control, but despite how much i try they keep happening. I’m starting to believe my years of porn have damaged me permanently… and it makes me sick every time it happens, and my wife is also hurt every time. what can I do? Any advice would help… even basic information about this problem… J
Dear Jesse,
Almost a year of freedom from a struggle that one gripped you is an AMAZING acomplishment and you (and your wife) need to celebrate that. Newly married and perhaps somewhat insecure (insecurity can be a normal emotion when a wife knows of this battle) can contribute to your wife’s feelings about the dreams. I however think it is noble and honorable that you have shared this with her, giving her an opportunity to warfare with you in prayer. What you are experiencing is indeed a manifestation of what you once indulged however I do not believe it is permanent! It is a battle and one that you need to keep fighting. You cannot control your dreams- you can only control what you do with them when you are awake and aware. I say kudos to you. I say keep doing all that you are doing and pray that your wife will come along side of you and see what an amazing thing you have already acomplished.
How do you get over the craving to watch porn without giving in. Its been going well for a few weeks now, but I constantly find myself wanting to watch porn again and again. How do you deal with it? Simply ignoring it will work for the short term, but I want to get rid of this in the long run. It is especially getting harder now that I have to start studying for test and due to the tests and projects simply putting away your phone and laptop for a month won’t do. Can you please help?!!!!
Dear D.
Thanks for reaching out to us! We truly sympathize with what you are going through. Porn is a difficult beast to kill but it can be beat! To your credit it looks like you are brave enough to do something about this! For what it’s worth here are a few suggestions I believe will be tremendously helpful:
1. Get accountable- Confess this struggle to someone you really trust & who loves you enough to walk through recovery & restoration with you. Install accountability software & maybe even filtering software like X3watchPro on your devices/computers so you have that extra mile you need to go when feeling tempted to act out. This may serve as a sobering influence. All recovery starts with repentance & confession. You need to shed some light on this darkness & not live isolated in its shame.
2. Take the X3pure workshop – This course offers a ton of information that will help you understand the nature of what you are struggling with. This is a huge help in recovery. If you feel that your problem is too severe for a “workshop” seek out good Biblical counseling with someone who specializes in this area. Pure Life Ministries is the pioneer of sexual sin/addiction ministry and they offer counseling services and even a live in program for men.
3. Sign up for an X3group – Our online recovery groups are a perfect fit for those seeking out accountability & support. These groups meet weekly & offer you the face to face experience of a small group with other men who struggle with the same issues. These groups run $30 per month.
We are not professional counselors but these are three practical steps you can take towards recovery. I know it feels dark & hopeless BUT IT’S NOT! Carl (Our X3groups coordinator) struggled with porn for nearly 20 years and by God’s grace he has been completely clean/sober and walking in freedom/restoration for 30 months. There is hope & you can have victory over this area; you just need to take some action steps.
We hope this information helps you. Press forward to purity & trust God!
I’ve long wondered whether or not I’m a sex addict or just am locked in bad behavior. While the test on this sight indicated that I HAVE MET some of the criteria, Idk if I’m totally convinced (I know I know). I went without watching porn for 3 years, but never went longer than 3 months without masterbating, and while I’ve tried to remain pure, stumble most weeks, and have recently stumbled onto porn a few times these last few weeks. My gf and I also set boundaries, but eventually cross them, though we always refrain from having sex. Sometimes I feel so guilty, but then other times I feel guilty for NOT feeling guilty! Is this addiction? And if so, how prevalent is addiction? I feel like my story is not unique all
Dear X,
I think if you have to ask then somewhere in your own heart you know the answer. We have no idea of knowing if you are a sex addict but if you are struggling where you do not want to be then it needs to be addressed regardless. You know we have many resources here on the website that can help you.
Best wishes
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