Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

my wife

I have a question last night I laid down for bed and pick up my wife phone to set my alarm and I found that she was looking at porn and she alsonreads stories that are very erotic and it feels like my love life is gone for her and if I say something to her about it she just get mad. How do I help my wife with these addiction because its feeling im falling further away for her because of this

James,

I would start with sitting down with your wife and ask her why she is looking at porn. do not do this in a threatning way. Women want to feel loved so make sure when you do this it is in a loving way.

Once you figure out why then talk about how this can be changed and how you can help. If this is an issue I would suggest that she find an accountability partner to help her with staying clean. This really should not be you and should be someone who will hold her fieet to the fire and be willing to actually hold her accountable. I would also add X3 Watch to your phone and computers. You can find this at www.x3watch.com

Attraction

I have had a 8 year addiction to pornography and was also sexually abused as a kid. With those two elements being apart of my life, its safe to say I have had a sexual upbringing. I am still a virgin and I have been sober from porn for over a year, and have never felt better, and with accountability in place I feel as though I am in a great place. The problem I do have is, with attraction. I have had trouble with gauging how important attraction is in a marriage relationship. I used to view women as objects of using, and used them for lust. Stared at them, fantasized, and trashed them. With dealing with my porn addiction head on, and getting rid of a lot of those habit I do feel I am a different man from then. I do have to fight back temptations to look at women, and take me thoughts captive, but I am nowhere near where I used to be. I have been dating my girlfriend for 1 year and 4 months now, and she is definitely the best person I’ve met. The struggle I have is attraction. I am a very skinny guy by nature, and have a very small frame. I struggle to gain weight/muscle mass. My girlfriend is naturally bigger, and struggles to keep off weight. I am about 5 inches taller than her, but she is bigger than I am. She is really beautiful, and has a gorgeous face. As a whole I am very attracted to her. I love what she wears, who she is, and we both share the same vision and dreams. I do struggle feeling like a man around her because of me being smaller, and she struggles feeling like a girl due to me being a bigger than I. She is not obese, just simply bigger than me. I did hurt her several times because of my lustful thoughts/porn addiction speaking and thinking she isn’t good enough, and with her dealing with a eating disorder in the past, it really built some insecurities that come up when this issue is brought up. I do think she is attractive, but I struggle to be attracted to her all the time. She has insecurities and wants me to think she is the most beautiful girl ever, and with those two butting heads we have some pretty intense fights. I’ve realized I am not going to get a porn star. I don’t want that, and I think I am realistic about what I am attracted to. How important is attraction? Is it bad for me to suggest us both working out? (Me gaining muscle mass and her losing weight, in a healthy sustainable way)

Josh,

Attraction is not as big of a deal as many make it out to be. Now I am not saying that you guys should not work out and work on losing weight for a better life. I think that is a major thing that people need to work on. It will help with self image as well but,l you have to make sure not to turn that into an idol as well. Hope this helps.

Relapse

Hi I have been off of porn now for nearly 7 months after a 5 year addiction. In the past week i really feel as though i need to watch porn again but i really dont want to as i know once i start i cant stop. I would just like to know how to stop relapse and prevent temptations and would like some support. Thank You

Joe,

If you have not done so yet get accountability. find someone who will help you in this fight and will be willing to hold your feet to the fire to help you with this.

Also at first it will be tough and the temptations can come often. I can tell you that over time this will get easier and you will have fewer and fewer temptaions.

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