Frequently Asked Questions.

Wet Dreams

Hey wassup! Well this is my question…im struggling and trying to be better in this sotuation and i really see the God love and mercy in this…ok thanks God for his amazing nature exists the wet dreams to liberate the sperma. Without touching your self …so when i have one and theres some thing messed up like the clothes and blankets its ok to tell your parents about that? They are going to believe me? (christians) or i should hide the evidence even if its normal proccess?? Thanks annonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I’m not sure if your parents would understand or not as I do not know them but if this is something that is happening while you are sleeping then obviously it is out of your control and if you feel led to discuss with them you can certainly pray that Lord would soften their hearts and help them to understand.

Porn in a relationship

About two months ago now my boyfriend of 3 years ended our relationship. The reason why he ended things was because his sexual addiction/porn addiction has gotten to a point where he could no longer ignore it. Now he wants to fix this problem on his own without me. He believes that he can fix this on his own without any support or professional help. As the only person who knows about his addiction yet now his ex-girlfriend, I have no idea how or if I can help him.

It sounds like you need to let go and allow God to move in His life.    This is a long and hard battle and actually I commend him for doing whatever it takes including letting go of something that he loves in order to seek his healing and deliverance from the Lord.

God may be sparing you of more pain and a terrible roller coaster ride.  You can pray but I would encourage you to move on.

Lying/ Denial

I guess I don’t really have a question, but more so a situation that I need help with. This has been ongoing for about 3 years now and hurts me more now than I think it ever did… I met my now husband 4 years ago, the summer that I finally washed my hands of the abusive relationship I had been in with my daughter’s biological father. He had also just come from a vulnerable relationship, and we both agreed to take it slowly. We did and began to engage intimately with one another about 4 months into our relationship. I also began to stay the night occasionally at his house as well. In his bedroom he had a computer that I would sometimes use (with his permission) to look up email, facebook, and other things. One morning I went to type in redbox to look up a movie and no sooner than I typed ‘red’ did redtube pop up! We discussed it, he did not deny it, but said that he had looked at that sort of thing when single and did not ‘need it anymore.’ I did my best to give him the benefit of the doubt and moved on… Fast forward one year from then. We had now been living together for about 6 months, he had been working out of town around that time, and I went to school in the evenings. I borrowed his phone one afternoon to look up a youtube video and was devastated to find search for everything from ‘ass shaking’ to ‘strip tease’ to what must have been one of his favorites to watch and was searched repeatedly and even more! I looked into his search histories further, as maybe I should not have, and found that he was a member of an online webcam community, an online social network for sex similar to facebook, i found numerous spam sites that he received in his email, and a secret password to the webcam site in his email, hidden! So of course, I was devastated, physically, emotionally, mentally, not well. I did try to discuss it with him, but only to be met with denial and lies, with plain truth right in front of him! We battled hard over this for months, never really mending anything, it hurt deeply, and now two years later I find myself back at the same crossroads. In the last two years I have suspected his sexual immorality on occasion, but have tried to make the choice to put it in God’s hands. My husband’s brother in law has sent him numerous pornographic emails and texts in the past and I have no reason to believe this has stopped, I just think my husband has become sneakier about deleting the proof, just like with the search history on his youtube and cell phone. Most of this immorality occurs on his cell phone, which he tends to be quite possessive of. He tells me I’m gorgeous, but the sexual intimacy in our relationship is jaded. More often than not I had been the one turned down when trying to initiate intimacy, but I can’t even hardly stand to be touched sexually by him lately. It seems the only time he is interested is out of a dead sleep or first thing in the morning; which makes me question if he isn’t just entertaining the steamy dream he may have just awoken from instead of really pursuing me! There is a LOT of hurt surrounding our sex life. We were married two months ago which also happens to be about the amount of time that has lapsed since our last intimate encounter. There is a ton of stress on both of our plates which I am trying so hard to be considerate of. I have been reaching out to Jesus and am trying to be a beacon of light to my husband in all aspects of our life, from the good down to the bad. However it seems to no avail. I just want my husband to come clean with me and to be able to trust him again; which I know in turn can restore our intimacy and relationship! I just don’t know where to start, especially when he will not admit it to me… I don’t know where I can start to heal either and there is no way I can pay for a $1000 counseling program. I just need some solid direction. Please help!! (Will you please email me in response? In case this letter is not posted online… Thank you SO much!)

I’m so sorry to hear of the ongoing struggles that your now husband continues to face.  Clearly this was ongoing before you married so you absolutely know it is not about you.  That being said– you did move forward hoping for the best but knowing the worst.   That also  being said I would highly encourage you both to seek out pastoral counseling if you are unable to go through a counseling program similar to the one that Pure Life Ministries offers.   We are not counselors here but we’ve seen enough of this destroy people let alone marriages and families so it is imperative that you both seek help.   Even if you cannot go through the wives counseling program at PLM you can still talk to one of their biblical counselors on the phone for a counseling support call and some guidance.    

Regardless if your husband seeks help or not you must get the support and direction you need through prayer, Scripture and wise (biblical) counsel.

We also have an abundance of resources for the spouse that includes but is not limited to other community support for wives and other women facing struggles similar to yours.

We wish you and your husband God’s best.


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