Frequently Asked Questions.
My boyfriend admitted that he looked at porn a couple of times a month ago. He told me right when it happened. He apologized and put up blockers on his computer and phone and has accountability with other men. I am not sure why it is affecting me so much but I cannot stop thinking that I am not good enough or that he is always looking at other girls. I know he dealt with it correctly but I can’t keep thinking of him poorly in my mind. How do I restore my view of him? I know it is now my own insecurities causing me pain but how do I become confident again?
It sounds like you have a better understanding of this than you may realize.
You said “I know it is now my own insecurities causing me pain but how do I become confident again?”
I would say that the best way to combat your own insecurities is to take your eyes off of yourself, off of your boyfriend and put them on Jesus. When we compare ourselves to the world and the lies we will always be disappointed, jealous, envious, angry and bitter. But when we measure ourselves against the Cross, we should be humbled. Completely humbled. It is hard to raise ourselves above others and look down on them when we are looking at ourselves in comparison to the Cross.
I would also suggest that you are proactive in your own encouragement and building yourself up by reading some good reads: Captivating by Stasi Eldridge is a good place to start.
Ive sealed with porn for close to 5 years. It’s been my little secret and I always feel like I can get away from it on my own. Recently I deleted all the bad photos in my phone but they stayed in my recently deleted folder on my iPhone. Fast forward to two weeks later. I’m on the bus sitting in front of the girl I like on our way to church camp. I love Jesus. Trust me I do. But recently I’ve fallen away from him and turned to sin. They were taking pictures on my phone ( the girl I like and her friend) and they decided to delete 1. But they also decided to delete it from my deleted folder. And they found everything. They didn’t say anything, just handed my phone back. I’m heart broken and I don’t know what to do. I found out about a week later when a girl who also saw it told me. I’m lost. I’ve put accountability partners I place and turned to the word. The theme of camp was abiding in God and I’m trying to do that. This isn’t a question but I need someone’s advice on the matter.
Well. Sin does that. It trips us up, it sets us up for disappointment, shame, embarrassment and so on. BUT… as a believer in Christ, you know that Jesus sets you free from all of it when you ask and repent. You have confessed. You have removed the stumbling block (according to what you have written) and you are seeking the Word, accountability and what seems like genuine repentance.
As uncomfortable as it may be, the only other suggestion that I could give would be to consider going face to face to both girls who were exposed to the porn on your phone and apologize. The apology should be given with no other agenda than to offer repentance for exposing them to what they saw on your phone. The apology is not driven by the fact that you “like this girl”. It must be from the heart for the sin you exposed them to.
That’s all I’ve got.
I think you’re on the right path.
I want to start an accountability group with my friend but it seems he is not too willing to do it although he admitted to me that he is a casual porn user like me. Should I consider somebody else?
In order for accountability to really work it must go both ways. You must have a commitment from all parties or your efforts are futile.
Consider reading the book OPEN to understand what accountability should really look like and the benefits that come from an authentic accountability relationship.