Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

Masturbation

I am wondering if you have any resources for someone like me who has dealt with masterbation for over 15 years but has never had an issue with porn.

I do have to say that you posted an article of 10 things to help you start the year off right. Those thoughts have really helped. I’ve been a month completely free not without temptation of course. And I want to stay on that track.

I read the M word and saw your webinar. Thank you for those.

 

Have you read Shellie R. Warren’s book:  Pure Heart?   She talks a lot about this struggle for women and how she overcame. Pure Life Ministries also has many articles on this subject.   We have a women’s blog and resources specifically for women who struggle in this area.   You may also want to check out The Beggar’s Daughter-— she writes specifically for women as well.

Husabnd’s affair/porn use

Hi, about 5 years ago my husband had an affair. I was a disaster. We had just had our 3rd child (in 3 years) and I was barely keeping my head above water so the news spiraled me into depression, self-hatred, etc. We pursued counseling for a while and things got better. The only problem was he had been looking at porn and I didn’t know that piece of the equation. Here we are 5 years later and it has come out as a result of an encounter with another woman. Now I feel abandoned all over again but instead of that desire to stand up and fight for my marriage, I feel kind of dead inside. I don’t have emotions. I can sit and talk to my husband about it like it was a movie we watched or something. I’m a little frightened by my lack of emotions. Is this normal? Am I permanently broken? I’m pretty confused.

Oh dear one,

My heart goes out to you.  The pain, the betrayal— it is almost just too much to bear.   I’ve been where you are.  Our situations might be a bit different but the pain is the same– the numbness and the feeling as if you are just looking in on a bad movie.

I can’t tell you if you are permanently broken because I don’t know what your determination is for healing.   There is a Scripture that tells us to pursue peace (Hebrews 12:14).  Matthew Henry’s commentary on this Scripture included this:

“we must seek peace and pursue it; be willing to deny ourselves a great deal for peace’ sake. It is the constant practice of real believers, when in distress, to cry unto God, and it is their constant comfort that He hears them.”

If we look up the pursue- it is defined as this:  “to follow; in order to catch or attack..”    If you are willing to pursue healing (and peace) in God, then I do believe that you can be healed.   God WANTS to deliver you from brokenness to wholeness and that doesn’t depend on whether your husband cleans up his act or not.

Now whether or not you can stay committed to the marriage if your husband refuses to lay down his extramarital activities is a totally different thing.  I definitely think you need a plan of action and your husband needs to step up to the plate with some serious accountability and some serious changes.

We have an abundance of resources for men in the Get Help section and we also have some great resources for you, the spouse.

I’m saying a prayer for you right now.

Masturbation

I am a teen girl who loves God, works hard in school & has Godly friends. But when nobody’s around, masturbation is there, proving I’m not as Godly as I want to be. If anyone could be somehow sheltered from lust, it should be me, right? My parents are on fire for God and also open with me about sex being God’s idea, but yet here I am, almost out of highschool fighting a battle I’ve fought since about 11 or 12 years of age. I used to think I could control it, keep as a “innocent” thing between me and my body because I’d never look at porn or fantasize…. But once I began to really be attracted to guys masturbation was something I did far more often, as a way to “supress lust”, gradually becoming worse. When fantasizing wasn’t enough, there I was. Looking at nude men on my phone. The very thing I said I’d never do! Well, unfortunately it took me realizing that these sites included gay men, not the masculine, Godly man I want to marry to back off. I thought I had things controlled, but then I started to be really attracted to a guy in my youth group I’ve known for years. All of the sudden, I started thinking about him in ways I shouldn’t, causing me to become less of a friend to him out of fear that I’d corrupt him with lust. Only recently, I have been waking up with nightmares that I had gone and had premarital sex or even gotten pregnant. I love Jesus with all my heart and I want to have a good relationship with Him, one that doesn’t have masturbation interfering. How can I get to that place?

You are so young and the pressures of this world are weighing in and trying to find your place in everyday life can be so overwhelming.    I promise you, you are not alone.  There are other young women just like you who really do want to live for God and want to be all they’re meant to be but the pressures of this life combined with young hormones make it seem like purity is impossible.

I really want to encourage you to talk with someone that you trust.  I’m sure you feel like there is NO WAY you can discuss this but that is exactly what the enemy wants!  However, once you let the light in on this- the darkness no longer prevails!   If you don’t know who you can talk to, pray and ask God to show you.

In the meantime, spend some time on our site in the section for students as well as the section for women.  You will see you are not alone and you just may find some peer to peer encouragement here!

 

 

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