Questions


Frequently Asked Questions.

Porn

I am a life long Christian, grew up in a Christian home and profess Jesus as my savior. I used to use and look at porn. I’ve confessed to my wife that I had a problem a addiction. I have not gone into details about exact types and videos I’ve watched. she has forgiven me. I move on, but keep feeling guilt about these things I’ve seen. Should I go into the deepest details of my porn addiction? I feel she understands the depth of my sins. How do I move on and accept gods grace and forgiveness for me? Do I need to tell her every last detail?

I absolutely would not recommend giving the details.  What good or healing can possibly come from that?   I am speaking from a wife’s perspective.  And I can tell you that knowing these details only caused further trauma and delay in healing and restoration.

I would say a “need to know” basis is a good enough.    If you however feel a need to share the details for whatever reason then I would suggest doing so with your pastor or accountability partner.

support for spouses

What support is there for spouses? I was hoping to find a spouse group on your site, but I did not see one. I am supporting a friend that has no idea how to handle her husbands sexual addiction – he is at a treatment center and she is devastated. She is struggling finding anything to support what she is going through and I was hoping to direct her to a group or other supporting contacts on this site.

We do have an entire section for spouses with blogs, resources and so much more.   If you are looking for a group you may want to consider the X3groups for spouses.  Counseling for wives is also available through a 4 month program that Pure Life Ministries offers.

Help…Our daughter is now a porn star

I am pretty sure I heard your ministry has a booth at this weeks’ AVN show in Las Vegas…. Any chance you could attempt to meet our daughter and help connect to a place in her heart that was once tender to the Lord??! The truths of Christ and His love for her have always been taught to and known by her, yet she is so far from Him (and us) right now and has since created a twisted and distorted reality as it was in her growing up years…. Any advice?? What are we as parents to do!?! We are worried sick about her and all that she is involved with currently in this ‘new world’ that she has discovered to work within in LA, and now that she is promoting further at the AEE/AVN show. We have learned that she has done several scenes with companies recently, and we have even seen photos of her that she has posted of herself on social media sites with bruises on her legs and such! How do we sit back from afar and do nothing to guard or protect our child from such abuse??
You obviously don’t know us, but she truly grew up in a very safe, loving Christian home with two parents who would move heaven and earth for her since the day she was born. She was actively involved in our church, youth group and bible studies as well as christian girls’ summer camps from 8-16 years old, and Christian counseling programs that she willingly engaged with throughout the years. She has struggled tremendously with mental health challenges tho throughout her teen years, with a wealth of counsel and support offered to her throughout all of them. Some therapists have suggested that she may have Borderline Narcissistic Personality disorder or she may be Bipolar perhaps. But regardless of any formal diagnosis, we noticed that the consistent manifestations of her acting-out and difficult behaviors often showed up with her getting involved in various sexual encounters, both on the internet and with older men she would arrange to meet, despite our best efforts to guide her otherwise. She ended up leaving our home of five younger sisters, her 2 horses, cats and dog, and the state she has always lived in, only 5 months after she turned 18. She told us she needed to “start her life over”, but its as if she began doing exactly what she had tried to do prior to turning 18 years old. She tells us to leave her alone and we shouldn’t care what she is doing for “work” because she is “happy now”, but she also has tried to tell us and others from her growing up circles here at home that she is a “model for Abercrombie” and has a ‘wonderful loving boyfriend.’ So much more to the story of course, but in desperation knowing she is currently in Vegas awaiting all that the industry has planned there this week, I thought I would just try this outlet on your website……
Please….If there is any way to spark a conversation with a young girl who works with ATMLA, please do!! We believe she turned her heart to the Lord many years ago and she was also baptized at 14 years old and served on the mission field a few summers. I don’t know what the Lord has planned for her story, or ours, as it is being written, but I know He loves her even more than we can think or imagine….. and who knows… maybe someone from your ministry can reach her even this week and guide her back to His truth, Grace, Loving mercy, and health.
Please let me know if you have any suggestions for us as pain-filled parents watching from afar, or if this is even appropriate for me to ask in the question section of your site.
Blessings and prayers from a mom and dad whose hearts are breaking for our sweet child….

I am posting your question because I know there are other parents out there just like you whose hearts are breaking and minds are full of questions on where they may have possibly gone wrong.   I did edit out your daughter’s name to protect her privacy.

While it is our life purpose, passion and desire to reach out to everyone in the sex industry that we possibly can, we will not do it on behalf of a family member as that will hinder relationships and hinder a bond of trust from forming— but I can tell you this.  If indeed your daughter is at the AVN show this weekend, she will encounter our team.  Whether or not she is approachable or willing to enter into conversation etc. is another thing but we do have some great existing relationships there at AVN and we build new ones every year.   We also in keeping with that same confidentiality would not be able to converse with you or share with you if indeed we have had conversations with your daughter unless she were to grant that permission.

You sound like you have a solid faith and understanding of God and His unbreakable love for your daughter.  Keep praying and keep believing that His arm is not too short to bring her back to a place of understanding her value in God and that He has so much more for her.    I sent you a pdf via email with some resources and recommendations for you.  You can also find a section solely for parents and families here.

 

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