Questions

My heart breaks when I read some of these because I hear it in your written words and yet, the flesh remains… flesh.   The bible tell us that there will always be a war between our flesh and the Spirit (Gal 5:17).  It also tells us that we are enticed by our own desires (James 1:14)    I don’t say these things to make you feel defeated but to rather let you know that you are not a failure– living in this world with all of the external visual stimulation everywhere we turn is overwhelming!!   And you are right— you cannot change every external and walk around in a steel suit with blindfolds on.    Just keep pressing into the Lord, keep your accountability in place.   Make sure that you’re not setting yourself up for a fall by keeping the things luring you away in your immediate sphere of influence.   It’s one thing to not be able to control what goes on in the world but you can control what you allow in your home and in your immediate space.

He should probably get a new email.   Once on a list that email address can get sold over and over and over again.   If he is going through porn- spam on a regular basis then he is setting himself up for another fall.

With regards to trusting him again.   Trust is not something that is automatic.  Love is.   We don’t withhold love but you can certainly withhold trust until it is earned.    It takes time.    He’s not going to be perfect and you will need to have the love of God in you to extend it and mercy.    Be sure you are getting the accountability you need as well.

When you say “outside of accountability”  I hope you mean in addition to because we don’t believe that one will break free from this addiction alone.   Not saying it is impossible but it is rare.  In all of my years here, I’ve not met someone who has.    In addition to accountability there are some things an addict should put into place.   A lot of times a person who is addicted cannot see what those things are so I suggest asking yourself “What are some of the things an alocholic or drug addict can do to break free from their addiction”    The obvious then comes to mind.  Stay out of bars or around people that supply the drugs or alcohol.   Get into meetings where you will find support etc.  Those same things apply for the sex addict.  Often times the user needs to remove the computer from their bedroom or home.   Cut ties with your cable provider etc.   It may sound extreme but so did Jesus when He said “if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off!”    Some of this may sound “too legalistic” and for some people it may be, but different people have different triggers and different levels of addiction so it must be tailored to each person according to their habits.

With regards to speaking to people who do not think porn is an issue.    If it is young adults in your church then you can turn to Scripture for that.   If it is people in the world arguing this, there is no argument.  We don’t argue with the world.  We simply share what we believe and we make sure we are living it out.