Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

My fiancé has trouble with porn

Hi,
My fiancé has confessed to me that he struggles with watching porn and masturbating about once per month but not necessarily every month. He went all the way with previous girlfriends but we have put boundaries in place in our relationship so we have remained abstinent. Is it possible to struggle with porn occasionally but not be addicted? Is our relationship doomed?

I don’t know if your relationship is doomed but struggling with porn consistently, even if it is once a month is still a threat to your fiancé’s spiritual condition.   Have you guys talked with your pastor or anyone about this?   Is your fiancé getting any type of help or being held accountable to any degree on this issue?   I wouldn’t want to enter into a marriage with anyone unless I knew without a doubt that this was dealt with first.

Porn doesn’t belong in marriage in my opinion and it certainly doesn’t belong in a Christian marriage.   It is a lie.  It is a set up to fail.   Also don’t believe the lie that once you are married your marriage bed will cure this problem.  THAT is false.  I’m not trying to scare you— just trying to point you to some counseling from your pastor or a trusted godly friend who is walking out a life of integrity.

how best to do accountability

A friend is working his way through some of your material and has asked me to become his accountability partner. I want to help him. every way I can. We will talk agree on this but what do you recommend and do you have any resources available?

Check out the book OPEN by Craig Gross.   This is a perfect read for BOTH of you and is available in download format as well as paperback!

We also have resources in every category at XXXchurch.com

Pornography Addiction

Thank you, first off, for taking the time to read this. I know first hand that ministry work can be exhausting because, well, I am a minister. I am not a licensed Pastor. I am a Bible College student who is seeking a couple of answers. I am very much so looking to rid my self of a few character issues so they will not haunt me later on down the road. I am seeking the Lord with everything I have through fasting and prayer. I have been a Christian for about 3 1/2 years now. I have been baptized in the Holy Spirit and baptized in water. I have been to revivals and witnessed the power of God. I have seen miracles. I have functioned in the miraculous as well. I have a great Pastor who has a great staff. They all know me and love me. I have been a fan of this website for some time now. I want to be honest about a few issues, however, that I think need to be addressed.
#1- I am fairly certain that you cold classify me as a porn addict.
I am straight forward and honest with my Pastors that lead me. They know my habits. They know my secrets. They view my X3Watch every Saturday to check on me. Here’s the problem: I am also a genius and I love to exercise that intelligence through covert maneuvers in computers. I know how internet filters work. I know how to get around them. I know how to turn off X3Watch without alarming my accountability partners. I know how to watch porn online that won’t throw a trigger to alarm them. I want to be accountable. But when a rush or urge takes over me, it is almost impossible to deny. And like any addict, I hide what I am doing so I do not get caught.
#2- I want to be free, but I have literally tried everything that there is to try.
I have hit rock bottom, I have fasted and prayed, I have tried to end my life (a long time ago- pre-Christian days), I have had accountability partners, I have tried to go see a therapist but cannot afford one, I have been accountable to my Pastors, I have studied addiction, I have learned from men who have been through Celebrate Recovery programs who now teach it, I have tried to MAKE myself quit, I have tried to deal with my past, I have studied myself like a hawk trying to learn how I tick and what makes my personality like it is, I have tried to combat pornography completely and to top it all off, I have failed. I have miserably failed. I am supposed to be the guy that people look up to, but I have a dirty little secret that some of these people do not know about. I will be clean for 6 months and BAMM!! It will hit me again. I have tried to do everything that any expert in the area of psychology has told me to do and it does not work.
I have to say that though I have dealt with the past, I still deal with emotional and mental abuse from my childhood. I am not playing the victim. But I know it has to do with some of this. I have gone over and over in circles in my head trying to deal with it. I have been through deliverance also. I have forgiven the ones who hurt me. I have been through the whole process of what I know that I am supposed to do. But I don’t understand this anymore.
So here’s my question:
What do I do? Why, after doing all that I can do, have I still failed at being successful in my addiction free journey? Why do I keep falling back into this thing? Have you all at XXXChurch run into this problem before? And, do you have any suggestions for me to help out with this? Honestly, I am ready to be done with this thing. It is more of an annoyance now than an addiction. It isn’t a festering sore. It is more like an annoying chronic and tenacious toothache. I have been a porn/masturbation addict since I was in the second grade. That’s 15 years!!! Please help! Thanks so much for taking the time to read this!! Blessings!!

Thank you for pouring your heart out and being so transparent with what you are dealing with and what your approach has been thus far.   You are right about accountability and being to “work around” it — a person can only be held accountable to the degree in which they want to be accountable.   If having a filter on your computer or phone isn’t working for you then perhaps for a season you need to give up the smart phone and make sure the computer is in a public access area or get rid of it and only use it at the church.

You say you cannot afford a counseling program– Pure Life Ministries offers a live in program that may really help you, perhaps your church and pastors would help with the costs since they’ve been walking this out with you.   Have you tried going through the men’s X3pure workshop?   This is an excellent source to learn both the spiritual AND physiological nature of this addiction and what the core/root issues usually are and how to deal with them.  The cost of this 30 day workshop is less than one hour of clinical counseling.

Lastly– X3groups maybe something you would really benefit from… the ability to sojourn with other guys who are battling the same things as you.

Freedom is possible– we absolutely without a doubt know this.   You’ve got to pursue it.

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