Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

Child Protection Policies

Our youth pastor and I are reviewing our church’s child protection policy. We are seeking guidance about how to include pornography checks in the policy; or steps to take when we become aware of porn use by workers or students. Your guidance is appreciated.

This is a great question and something that very few churches or organizations show concern for so great job on your part. We don’t have anything “formal” in terms of procedures or what we would recommend but I can give you some general guidelines to get you started:

1. A desire for transparency and sexual integrity needs to be communicated from the top. In other words, whatever course the leadership sets forth on needs to be something that they are willing to participate in and abide by as well.

2. A standard policy would be helpful. Things to include might be:

  •  Accountability software on all church owned devices and all personal devices of anyone on staff
  •  A commitment to weekly accountability with an accountability partner or partners
  •  Guidelines for counseling (i.e. women with women, men with men, etc.)
  •  Reporting procedures that are inline with Biblical principle and reaffirms the need for repentance and grace

3. Leadership requirements (paid & volunteer) that are in accordance with I Tim. 3:1-13 and Titus 1:5-9

4. Offer resources and help to those who need it (whether it’s through local program or online (ex. http://X3pure.com and http://X3groups.com)

Ultimately people will only be accountable for what they choose to be accountable for. However, you can definitely help matters by communicating clear expectations up front. Furthermore, you don’t want to make this a legalistic exercise or encourage “telling on” people. It needs to be communicated that accountability isn’t about policing or restrictions. It’s about freedom. It’s about being able to do life without guilt or shame. And GRACE needs to be stressed throughout all of this so people aren’t afraid to come forward if they hit a bump in the road.

Hope this helps but you can certainly discuss further with one of the pastors here if you have more questions.

Porn addiction & Masturbation, depression

 I dont think I can continue to keep it in & pretend everything is alright where I know I’m going through hell inside. If God loves me & If I gave myself for him why wouldn’t he make me stop? If his grace is sufficient why do I keep abusing it?

Nani,

I understand your struggle, your shame and your pain.  It is difficult when we know we want to live for God and then we struggle with the sin nature of our flesh and our fleshly desires.    God doesn’t make us do anything but He is faithful to forgive and to help us when we seek him.

It sounds like you need some accountability.   Do you have someone you can trust and share this with?  A leader?  A godly friend?

Also- what about a filter?  The bible tells us that we should cut off what tempts us so if it is your computer then get a filter and have your parent or a friend keep the password.

There are other ways to deal with your struggles.  You are not alone.  You might feel like it, but you are not.

SIN?

Hey 🙂 Hope you can help me with this: Since I was a little girl, i started to touch myself, and I didn’t realized that was a bad thing so I kept doing that until I knew the bible and Jesus, so I stopped, it wasn’t a problem, later when I grew up a little bit more, I couldn’t stop touching myself, I thought i could stop, but I couldn’t… Later I started to see a girl, and I realized I like that girl not as just a friend, so I kind of touch with her, since that day I am confused about my orientation. Otherwise, 2 years ago I met this asomb guy and he is my boyfriend and I love him SO MUCH and I loose my virginity with him when i was 15 years old, until this day we keep doing it and I feel no regret wish is bad and i don’t know what to do, because i feel like sometimes i am obsessed with sex with him, and not just sex, other things too. Thank u very much, sorry about my english

Hi Cindy,

Because you said you know Jesus and you know the bible– I think you will find your answers there.   If you have become obsessed with sex and you are acting out with your boyfriend when you know that sex outside of marriage is not God’s design for us then I would say that you need to re-evaluate your relationship with leadership and your boyfriend.  If you want to live for Jesus and live a life of purity then I think you are going to need some help from some trusted people.   Its hard to stop something when you are in full momentum but it is possible.  You need to decide what is more important and what is right.

Craig’s book OPEN is a great book on how accountability can help and what it should look like and why we all need it.

Best wishes to you.

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