Frequently Asked Questions.
About 6 months ago I checked the history in my daughter’s IPad. It was pages and pages of searches for pregnancy, birthing videos. Not one search contained anything sexual in nature, not even a kiss. It was strictly birth and pregnancy. She even went so far as to looking up her favorite cartoon characters pregnant and/or giving birth (yes people actually make drawing and cartoons of My Little Ponies in this was fashion). I decided to tell her about birth and told her she could ask me anything. She refused to ask me anything. I let it go thinking she was just going through a phase. I just checked her iPad this morning and she’s back at.it. there is so much in the history that it took me three to five minutes to scroll through it all. There was not one other search..not one.that didn’t have to do with her interest. I’m going to put a filter on her iPad before I give it back to her. I’m more concerned.with the obsession. Some of her.searches this time.we’re about bats giving birth, pinkie pie is pregnant, goat giving.birth to twins, my.water.broke, among others. I need to mention my daughter goes to an awesome Christian School, we do a mother daughter bible study everynight (she recently asked Jesus to live in her heart) she is smart, truly beautiful, and extremely well behaved. I am an extremely open, layed back, non judgmental, and a good listener. I thought we had a close relationship ,but she.won’t.talk to me.about this. HELP!
I think that if you feel strongly that this is obsessive then seeking out a counselor whose profession is child-development would be most insightful.
Personally I think if you have put a filter on the computers and iPad (which we would highly recommend regardless) than you can control the content she can access.
I agree with you though that her shutting down to not even discuss this with you when she discusses everything else with you may also warrant a trip to that counselor.
God bless you and give you guidance, discernment and direction in this.
I am 22. I grew up in a Christian home and became a Christian myself at the age of three. I had my first exposure to porn when I was about 10-11. I do not recall any feelings of guilt or of “losing my innocence”—I just loved it and had to have more. I still feel this way now, although physically I am about as virgin as virgin can be. (I’m not a very social person. I’ve never been on a date and as such the extent of my physical “sexual” interaction is that I can count the number of times I’ve been hugged on one hand.) However, since then I have progressed to watching porn 1-3 times a day with the exception of several attempts to quit, none of which I was able to keep going more than a couple weeks. Intellectually, I know what I’m doing is wrong. The Bible tells us that sex is intended as a gift to be enjoyed exclusively within a monogamous heterosexual marriage. The reason this is harder for me is that outside of the metaphoric “holy grail” of actually having physical sex, I do not want to get married for reasons both related and unrelated to this issue, so the Bible’s given reason for extramarital celibacy is irrelevant in my case. I know I’m supposed to be trying to have a relationship with God, but being by nature a very practical, down-to-earth kind of person I find it difficult (to put it lightly) to have a relationship with someone when your only means of communication from this person is a collection of documents that was written generically for everyone (as opposed to being written to me specifically) thousands of years before I was born. In conclusion, I’m generally angry that I seem to have been put in a no-win position. God considers what I’m doing to be a sin, but offers no hope/relief to those who, like me, don’t want to marry. I don’t want to stop because I like doing what I’m doing and I see no harm in it, but I want to want to stop because I know that how much I like an activity has zero bearing on its definition as a sin. Please help me find motivation. (I know that last sentence sounds like good motivation, but it’s awfully hard when the benefits of a sin are tangible and immediate and the cost is not.)
We cannot motivate you but we can encourage you to put into place all the suggestions we openly give throughout our site- via blogs, resources, questions/answers etc. You may also really benefit from joining one of our X3groups.
I submitted a question moments ago but I’m unsure if it actually went through or not… In a much shorter condensed version I’m in need of some resources for wives of recovering porn addicts. While my husband is doing immensely well, I feel like I’m still carrying a very heavy burden of inadequacy and self image issues. I don’t feel that I’m truly physically what my husband desires and my ache in my heart continues though my husband’s burden seems to have been lifted when he confessed and was redeemed from his addiction. Could you please recommend any resources for my own personal healing and for our marriage? Thank you!
There is a resource page for spouses in the Women’s section of XXXchurch.com. I would encourage you to look through the other ministry recommendations, book recommendations, online communities etc. We also have a blog there specifically for the spouse.
Best wishes to you as your journey this with your husband. We know it is not an easy road to walk but one that God will grace you for.