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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
I’ve been addicted to pornography for years now but I’ve just recently started to use chat rooms to masturbate. When I’m in these chat rooms I pretend that I’m someone else. I’ve even pretended to be be a girl so a guy on the chat room would send me pics. By the way I’m not gay but I really feel like Satan is destroying me with these dark sins and temptations. Is this normal to use chat sites and pretend like I have and what can I do to get over my addctions? Thanks
Trying to find what is “normal” in addiction which is dysfunctional is not something that I think anyone can really help you with. Different people travel down different avenues. Do sex/porn addicts enter chat rooms? Yes otherwise those types of chat rooms wouldn’t exist. It is our understanding through working with those addicted that most end up traveling further down the path of addiction then they ever intended to go. It sounds to me like you are concerned about the road you are traveling therefore you are seeking out help to break the cycle. We have an abundance of resources for men, women, students, parents. I am certain you will find some great resources there to start taking the right steps towards victory over your addiction. You may also want to consider joining a X3group. These groups are going strong and the participants are finding recovery possible through community and accountability! -Best wishes.
My husband and I have been married 5 1/2 years now. Before that we dated for 4 years. We have also been good friends and known each other since I was 11. When we were in our early dating years, he confessed that he was addicted to porn. So I offered to help him overcome it in any way I could. Once we were physically intimate with each other (about 1 year later) he said that being with me fulfilled all his sexual desires and fantasies and that he no longer was addicted to porn. He told me he only ever watched porn to feel loved and now he was with me and experiencing actual love that he no longer needed IT. Fast forward 4 years and we have been married 2 1/2 years when I finally ask about porn so much that he finally admits he is still addicted. I had a feeling for a long time this was the case- and any time I confronted him about it, he vehemently denied it. So, hearing this I was crushed. I have never felt the same again- never felt good enough or important enough for him. Now we have blocked websites and set up “roadblocks” as much as we can but he still slips up every 6 months or however long. However, he does not think that it is a problem that involves me or one that should hurt me. We are both Christians and have a strong Christian faith. I have been supportive and loving and forgiving yet every time I hear that he watches it, I feel so devastated and defeated. It hurts me so much. Does his porn addiction affect me? I believe that since we are married then his sexual life is mine and vice versa. Am I wrong? Am I wrong to feel hurt? Does his porn addiction affect me? And how does that porn addiction with him relate to me and our relationship? He knows it’s wrong morally and wants to stop. However, he does not think that it has ANYTHING to do with me and that I am only choosing to impose myself on the situation by being hurt. Is his looking at porn any different than him sinning in another way- what I mean by that is if he lies or sins in a way that has nothing to do with me, like lying to another human about something unrelated to me, is that the same as his looking at porn? I hope that makes sense. I feel like sexual issues in marriage are different than most other ones since they involve His sex life which is the same as OUR sex life. I feel like we are more connected in that way. I just need some help and encouragement. I fear that I will be dealing with this for the entirety of our marriage and that thought makes me so depressed and hopeless. That’s not a marriage I want. I don’t want to always worry about him watching other women. Divorce isn’t an option. And I know that my job is to love, support, encourage, and forgive. But I also know I’m doing that in so many ways in our marriage, over and over and I don’t know the line between being a loving Christian wife and allowing him to freely do what he wants without consequence to our relationship. It’s just hard to take, over and over. I feel hurt, betrayed, and worthless every time it happens.
Hi Nicole,
These questions have been asked and answered so many times that if you spend some time in the “questions” area of the site for spouses you will find all of our responses to them.
I think you both need counseling. Pure Life Ministries offers a great at home program for both spouses (the addicted and the affected).
Of course you are affected when the marriage bed is defiled. But we’re not victims. Our husband’s face battles that if we only knew we would probably be more empathetic, supportive and prayerful. This is a cruel world to live in with the technology that dumps crap in our living rooms via cable television or worse the internet… then there are the everyday things that cannot be avoided— billboards, magazine covers at grocery stores, dentist and doctor offices- car maintenance shops not to mention the women who dress so provocatively when going to Walmart. These guys are bombarded and then they have to listen to us wives make it all about us. I’m certian they are overwhlemed. I dealt with it for 10 years in my own marriage so I really do understand what you’re feeling but honestly– your feelings can’t always be trusted to lead you.
You need supportive, godly counsel and so does your hubby.
We wish you both the best.
My husband and I have been married for only three years. Last year he confessed that he struggled greatly with porn, and that was the reason our sex life was almost nonexistent. Since then, he has done pretty well at not watching it anymore, but his sex drive is gone, at least as far as I’m concerned. It’s still there for him, but I do not arouse him hardly at all because he is so used to the ease and variety of porn. He loves me deeply, and we are truly best friends, but he is not turned on by me. My heart is broken. I am young, attractive, and definitely have needs, not to mention we want to have children and that’s pretty impossible unless you have sex. I’m desperate for physical affection! My mind starts straying to other men and I’m horribly depressed. What can we do to get his libido back? We are in this for the long haul, willing to do anything to repair thiS, we just don’t know what to do…
There are plenty of other questions from wives that have been answered in this section that you may want to read through that may encourage you but it sounds like you both need to seek out the advice and wisdom of a professional counselor. It is not unusual for a man who has become so dependant on porn for gratification to find it more difficult when an actual effort has to be made on his part with regards to intercourse… its going to take time but if he is truly starving himself from the porn and masturbation his appetite for his bride should return. Again- I am not a professional so you may want to seek the advice of one.
Best wishes to you both! I commend your commitment!
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