Frequently Asked Questions.
So last year I submitted a confession, and I received a great amount of support and prayer. It helped me a lot. I even got 4 books for free, and I didnt read them as much then, because i was just THAT deep into self shame. I read them all a few weeks ago though. They helped me look at sex and lust and everything differently. Like, I never thought of my body as Gods. I never thought of it as the Holy Spirits. It’s like not wanting to break something that isn’t yours–and you handle it with extra care. Before I read the books to figure that out, I’d be doing a lot of stupid stuff. I sat in front of a computer with a camera on and when men (even woman) would ask to see me, I’d stand up and show the self harm scars on my thighs. I went from lust to anger so quickly. I never gave them a chance to say something or leave, cause I’d do that first. But now, looking at it all, I really damaged Gods body. I don’t know why I did any of it. Sex wasn’t something that looked pleasing to me, in fact I hated sex and the idea of it because I was molested (& I feel like I still do get molested. I feel no trust in anyone.) and I have come to the conclusion that the reason why I got addicted to porn was to try to make something horrible to me, pleasurable. It scared me. I didn’t want that. So many people would say, “ahh I need sex”. And i’d just be like, “why? Why is it so pleasurable?” I can’t even stand looking at myself in the mirror or wearing the same clothes or even sleeping with the same blankets from all the times that I have tried to discover pleasure. All I discovered was hate. And I got to porn, and I am learning to control that addiction, but how do I control this anger and self hate? I’m so tired. Yes, God forgives me. But, I do not forgive myself.
I think there are layers of pain that you are continuing to cover up with other things… the problem is those other things (the porn/ casual sex/ webcam stuff) are just more layers of harm that actually exacerbate the original pain. In other words there are much deeper root issues that must be addressed in order for the pain and the anger to subside. I would recommend that you seek out some professional counseling to help you work through some of those things at a pace you can handle. Sometimes the pain intensifies when we start to pull the layers off…but ultimately you need to get to the bottom so you can heal properly.
Let God lead you through the healing.
Hi I am 16 years old and have been struggling with porn for about 2 or 3 years now. I am done I dont want this anymore I dont want the urge anymore. I go to church every sunday but no one would ever know that im that one kid that struggles with porn. I feel very bad about it and I just wanna stop. I know its not right. Please help me
You are not alone but we understand the shame and embarassment that keeps you from confessing your struggles with those in your life. However, it is in confession and accountability that we believe you will find help and move forward in victory over this. Reach out to your youth pastor, or pastor or an adult in church that you trust. We also have a lot of resources in the students section of our website.
Hello, I have been addicted to pornography and masturbation since I was 12 years old. It is only recently that I was able to admit that I was even addicted. And I have immediately put things in place to help stay accountable. I have downloaded X3watch, and added accountability partners I am completely open with my accountability partners. Including my parents, who have been very supportive and loving through this journey. You see God recently turned my entire life around, and I have recently surrendered my life to him. I am now surrounded with fellow believers and am completely in love with him. However, since I grew up in a Christian home, I have trained myself how to get around internet blockers there are exceptions to every rule, and furthermore living in the world that we do so filled with sexual images, and practically pornographic advertisements (even for someone who has given up social media and television such as myself) it has become exceeding difficult to stay pure. And I have felt that the only way to keep me from logging onto pornographic sites, is to masturbate before I fall into temptation. I know that you all take the stance that masturbation is wrong, which is something that has been widely debated by many believers and I have stood on either side of the argument at one point or another. But is giving up both porn and masturbation cold turkey the answer? And if I feel like masturbation is keeping me away from pornography what do I do. Especially if I have already set up the boundaries, but fear that I will find a way around them?
Thanks for your question. This is something we get asked more often than you think.
Regarding the whole masturbation thing … yes, it’s very debated. We would tell you that if you are fantasizing about someone or something during that moment (other than your spouse) then you are still hurting your purity. Also, if you do it for self-medication purposes then that’s not good either.
Porn is everywhere. Yes, it’s not easy to stay pure. That being said, the visual triggers you face on a daily basis will become less problematic the longer you stay sober from porn and/or masturbation. In fact, many men don;t know this, but the more often you masturbate the more you want to.
Getting good accountability is a great start. Make sure you really surround yourself with guys you can reach out to in moments when feeling tempted. It’s not gong to be an overnight victory but in time you will find your brain healing & you need for porn diminishing.
Also, realize that often porn/masturbation use is a form of self-medication for anxiety, loneliness, etc. Take some time to explore those areas & try to figure out what drives you.