Questions

Hello, First, I want to let you know that I am not new to this parenting thing. I have five children, on 19 and on 15. My 19 year old son navigated his way through the teenage years with the help of Christ and, your website. He continues to struggle with porn, but it is admitted disease that we talk about. My 15 year old daughter is, thankfully, porn free. However, my 13 year old son has begun masturbating and looking at porn over the past year. My wife and I are Anglican Priests, recovering addicts, and grace theologians, so we have this all figured out, right? Well, despite patience, care, and a lockdown on loopholes (he’s brilliant, BTW), he continues to thwart our efforts to eliminate his viewing of porn. He went so far as to find my wife’s old cell phone and charger, attached it to the Wi-Fi (because the data was off) and began browsing. I should also note that my 13 year old is a Type 1 Diabetic, which means he has all kinds of rules and restrictions on his life which, as we all know, builds up rebellion in the heart. (As Paul says, I did not covet until I was told not to.) Last night was the last straw as my 10 year old son asked to play with my wife’s phone. She said yes, and then after 30 minutes he gave the phone back to her. She went to open the browser and a full porn video started playing. Now, thankfully, my 10-year old saw nothing. But it made me realize that we need to do more than what we are currently doing. The way I see it, there are two stages to this. 1) Keep porn away from my 13 year old. 2) Begin working on healing with him with your workshop. The second part is “easy”. We can pay for and start doing your program. However, the first part may require a radical change in the way we use the internet in the house. I have OpenDNS setup, but that doesn’t stop a determined addict, only the accidental viewing. I want to make sure that what I am proposing makes sense, is not overreacting, etc. 1) No More Streaming fro any site – We currently have Netflix, amazon, and Crackle. Though these sites do not stream hardcore porn, there are plenty of soft porn titles available. 2) No more internet on any mobile device – We currently all have Windows Phones, which x3watch does not support. I have to have internet on my phone for work, but everyone else’s can be cut off. 3) Run the internet with a “white list” – I have tried the filtering, and it just cannot stop a determined browser. He finds something. Instead, we will slowly build up a white list of sites we find safe. We can do this with OpenDNS and I can lock down the computers so that no one has admin rights and the networking information cannot be changed. This will be inconvenient at first, but less so as time goes on. 4) The hardest is actually the Steam gaming system. I am a gamer, and frankly, our whole family is. Steam has become part of our family ecosystem. For instance, there are nights where we will all play TF2 against each other. However, inside steam there are mods and or pictures of game mods which show nudity. I have looked and there is no way on Steams end to filter this out. This means we may all have to just give this up. I told my son all this last night and I saw a mixture of sadness and anger, which is no surprise. I have a great relationship with my teenagers, and want to continue this. However, I am willing to sacrifice having a “friendly” relationship for a little while if it benefits him being porn free in the long run. Finally, I have an open porn addiction(I have people I am accountable to) and know that this doesn’t help. Thanks all.

My son, age 7 almost 8, whom I have begun a light weighted conversations with about girls and culture and music (the talk). He likes hip hop, for the sound, but some music is just dripping with broken sexuality. Without killing his spirit on the stuff he likes I have tried to be transparent as to why I won’t let him listen to certain songs, which I feel he gets it….he has a good heart and so he is not interested in disrespect for women or men….It has been good. It is per yawls advice. So it is not a primary conversation with us (“the talk” that is) however I feel like he is more comfortable now as result of it, and that a barrier has been removed, that somehow got placed on my 7 year old. (he is growing up in 2 different homes, orTV or something). But check this out…. the other night after baths and stuff he asked me “when am I gonna get hair on my…(privates)?” he actually said “balls?” (sorry if that is too much information). So that is a “win,” Right? I can’t not remember ever being comfortable asking my dad that question or anything. Or would I want to hear his crazy answers. I laughed as a result of first hearing and he did too. When he asked me “why I was laughing” I just told him because “I was really happy that he could ask me personal stuff like that.” So is it a win? and do you have any advice for me helpful insights? You are great asset to the Church. You are in my prayers. Thanks for being there and helping me to stay pure and a better father.

I just want to leave my family over porn. I’m tired of being surrounded on it. My son has a problem that the warning signs did not exist for five years. The horror and shock that went through me when I found him with it went through me like a knife and I flipped my lid. My son hates me now. It’s only been a week. He thinks I don’t love him. He thinks I’m out to destroy the family. He thinks I love his cousins that I raise more than him. The past scars were ripped own and are bleeding. The youth pastor even admits he didn’t see the signs. My heart is no longer in for fighting for family just protecting girls. Another boy child I raise has been at it for a year, I discovered as well. I feel like I am choking. I no longer want to be with my husband. I want to leave. The reality is the disease of porn has poisoned their hears to the point the need of a mother no longer exists. All my teachings thrown away. The only reason I am still in my home is due to responsibilities and being the bigger person. I have gone to counseling at a women’s center for three and half years. I’ve been disowned by family for caring for three children to get them away from abuse and neglect as much as I can. I’m exhausted by the world of men. I want my family, my home, my husband, but it doesn’t seem to be attainable to hang on to. I’ve brought my family before God since the day they were born. None of it matters. I’m trying to find a counselor that will work with my son that works with my insurance, takes new patients, or won’t break the bank. I’m going through the motions. I’m not sure what I’m fighting for. I don’t believe that even with God, I can be successful in helping them. I’ve done a lot to lay down the wall. I’m married, but feel like I’m the one wearing the pants. My son hates me. Why stay when kids don’t love you for trying to do everything right and the men have exhausted me to the point there isn’t anything left of me. I don’t know how to help when I hurt this bad.