Frequently Asked Questions.
I have been struggling with this for awhile now. And it’s had lead up to my marriage . I just got married and my wife has found out the skeleton in my closet that I thought I can beat on my own. Of course I can’t. What can I do to show this temptation that I can beat it and be free from it? I feel alone from God and from my wife which I deserve to be. Is there any help that can break me free from this problem ?
You do not “deserve” to be alone from God or from your wife. Feeling isolated or distanced is definitely a consequence of habitual sin but I wouldn’t go as far as saying you deserve to be alone. We need mercy. God is merciful and kind, forgiving, loving, compassionate and slow to anger. Wives don’t typically tend to be upon the first discovery. They are hurt, they are sad, they are angry, this triggers thoughts of insecurity- not being enough- wondering if it is their fault and so much more. But God will use this to bring your wife closer to Him.
Seek out a peer group. We’ve got the X3groups running strong- AND there is even X3groups for spouses! (Be sure to ask about the same household discount!) Seek out a pastor or counselor for some care for you and for your wife.
Check out our many resources in both the men’s section and the spouses section here on XXXchurch.com. If you need specific exhaustive resources go to the START HERE section.
This is hard to form into words, so I’m just going to spit it out. My husband has admitted he’s addicted to porn. We’ve been married almost 4 years, we have two little boys and I love him with all that I am. But I cant deal with this anymore I want to be with him, but I refuse to constantly bust him with it. Legit, it happens every 4-6 months. I’m out of options. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve threatened to leave, taking our kids with me. And still it happens. And every time I bust him I’m met with the same excuses “I don’t realize what I’m doing till its too late” “I don’t want you to leave, but I fight these demons every day” I know its a true addiction, I just don’t know what I can do to help him. My marriage is hanging on by a string. I looked for a “Spouse support” forum lol but didn’t find one. I’m just hoping you can give me some advise on how to help him. I’m desperate for some guidance. Thanks so much.
I’m not even sure if this is a question.. My husband and I have been married for 7 years now, I use to desire him A LOT when he didn’t desire me :(, It was the most painful road God had put me on, So I turned to porn everyday to get my satisfaction, Now I find myself not desiring him and prefer porn :(. When we do have sex once a month if that, we need porn to stimulate us… I need help, I feel like a failure as a wife :(.. I want to desire my husband and to be desired but don’t know where to start.
You start right where you have. With your eyes open to the reality of what has become of this and then confession. Next steps are to get your husband on board– let him know you’re done with the porn. I’m wondering if he doesn’t have his own struggles which created the lack of intimacy from the beginning? Either way, you need to be done. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you [I’m a woman on team here]. Seek out our resources for women here at XXXchurch.com and also seek out the guidance of a local counselor. We have a great workshop for women called X3pure and you would do really well to join an X3group where you could meet regularly with women who have the same struggles. I would not recommend the spouses group at this time but rather the women’s group. You are not alone and you CAN do this!
Lastly– I don’t want to forget the crisis of the marriage. I think counseling would be wonderful if he will partake. I also think the Best Sex Life Now workshop would be great for you both to go through.