Frequently Asked Questions.

My relationship with my girlfriend.

My girlfriend said today that “I just feel bad compared to those people. They’re just so much prettier than I am, and I feel sick about that.” I had a bad incident the other night and ended up seeing some porn and then I masturbated. I told her what happened, and neither of us is happy. I just want to know, is there a way we can get security, and meaning back into our relationship? I want to end the struggle with porn, now and for ever, regain trust in my girlfriend, and trust in myself. It’s also hard to stay true to God, to keep the faith. Is there any hope?

Of course there is hope!  But when you are focused only on the struggle and the failures, it is overwhelming.   One step, one day at a time.   While I understand you desire to instill trust back into the relationship and that’s a good thing— it cannot be your motivation nor can it be your reason for walking out your recovery.    I would definitely suggest that you get some good and solid discipleship from a godly man.  Someone you can trust, talk to and be transparent with your struggles.   Someone who will encourage you, challenge you and spur you on.

Spend some time on our site, perhaps even join an X3group.

Give yourself a chance to get back up.  And remember Matthew 6:33-  Seek God first and everything else will fall into place.

Looking for a way to help others fight pornography

I am working on a project for my Religious studies capstone class. One of the project options was ‘fight pornography.’ God has delivered me from this sin 2503 days and counting. I don’t want to ever fall back into this sin. I had some convicting thoughts about not helping others that are dealing with porn. I guess I have sheltered myself away from those who deal with this issue from fear that I might fall back into it. I realize now, that God delivered me from it to help others who are drowning. I am not sure where to start. Do you have any suggestions for me to how I might be able to impact my community? How can I help those who are fighting to get out of their bondage to pornography?

First, congrats!  So wonderful that you have found success in recovery and are walking out Victory!  I do think we are called to help others in areas that we have been helped or areas we’ve overcome but you are very very wise to know what boundaries you will put in place when doing so as to not be tempted.   Sometimes it may not be the best to put yourself in the path of hearing about all the details etc. of someone else’s struggle if there are clear triggers for you.

You may want to start out simple in sharing your testimony and seeing what doors open from there.  The more willing you  are to share your testimony the more it allows for someone else to hear it and have the hope that you have.   You can share your story here in the confessions area of the site.  You can share your story with your pastor for perhaps consideration of a live or video testimony— there are so many ways you can share your testimony.

God bless you for your willingness to help others caught up in the trap of porn addiction

Overcoming pornography addiction and the thought patters that come with that.

I have been free of pornography addiction for a little over 5 months now and it has been difficult but I know God is always with me as my friends and family are. The biggest thing that I am struggling with right now is that my image of men in my life is distorted. The best story I can write is that when I am alone with another man I am afraid of sexual perversion occurring. I know this kind of thing will never happen because I know my sexual identity is in Christ. The other thing I struggle with is similar and I will write a story to illustrate. Imaging three male friends in the woods camping and they have a campfire and there talking about life, suddenly in the image of my mind I can sense the Devils work starting to distort the healthy masculinity that these men are showing to one another. I can make it totally clear to everyone I am not a homosexual and I do not desire such things in my life. I have been battling this day in and day out with God and the power of his Holy Spirit. I have been able to see women in the purity that Jesus has made them to be and that they are not sexual objects in my life anymore. I can say that I was sexually abused by another young man when I was a child and maybe that wound is creating a uncomfortable attitude and fear around other men. I am also dealing with this fear of man with leaders in the church. I feel as though all I fear is being sexually abused by other men and my imagination of men says the same story. I HATE THESE IMAGINGATIONS OF FEAR AND PERVERSION! I get no satisfaction from them, they only make me angrier and feel more shameful. I need to know from other brothers in Christ that my heart is pure in Christ, for he has given me a new heart, he has given me a new mind, I don’t need to live in those fears and uncomfortability around men. Even men in movies and television. Any prayer and encouragement is appreciated. The thing I hate is the thing that the devil and his minions use against me the most. Its like Satan knows I hate sexual perversions and keeps rubbing it in my face! Its like he knows I will never become a homosexual or go back to porn to feel the love of women or that I hate incest and all other perversions that have consumed out world. Thus im always bombarded with such accusations against my manhood and who I am. NEVER GIVE UP BROTHERS AND SISTERS!

God Bless

I do agree that the betrayal you suffered at the hands of another male when you were a child is where a lot of this if not all of it is rooted.

That being said– it does not mean there will never be another deviant in your path but to live in fear is not of God and will only hinder your healing. Should such a person cross your path again, you are no longer powerless!

Building trust in relationships takes time.  Choose your friendships wisely.  Keep praying and seeking accountability and friendships from those who have a display of the fruit of integrity in their lives.

I also think discussing your thoughts and fears with your pastor or a trusted male friend will start a process of trust that you can build upon.



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