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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
Hi everybody First of all I wanna thank you guys for the work you’re doing on this website. Here are my questions: I’m Christian since I was 17 (I’m 20 now). Although my life has changed, I’d still gotten this porn addiction since I was 10. It also escalated to a cybersex addiction. I got to a point where I used to send naked pics of myself to other women and even expose myself masturbating on webcam for random girls. I asked God for forgiveness after these activities but when the desires showed up, I fell again. In the beginning of this year I started dating a serious Christian girlfriend and we were in a very serious relationship. I thought that as I then had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t have the desires to have cybersex or look at porn so I tried to quit the addiction by my own. Although after a few months the desires came back. And then I entered in an erotic chat room again and exposed myself to a random girl on webcam. The guilt washed over me and I thought that I had crossed a line. I decided that that was enough and started seeking help to defeat the addiction. I also confessed to my girlfriend and asked for her forgiveness. However, my confession destroyed her and our relationship, so she left me, even though she still liked me,, but she said it was too heavy for her to handle. Was it wise to confess to her? Is there anything that I can do now to help her get over it. I’m fighting my addiction and I’m doing well, but I still can’t get over the guilt for crushing my girlfriend’s heart. Should I have done what I did (confess to her)? and what can I do now about her?
Hi Luis,
First of all– God bless you. The Lord does not hold a record once you have asked for forgiveness, he is faithful to forgive– so by not forgiving yourself you are setting yourself up higher than God which will only lead to further troubles. I would recommend grabbing some scriptures that speak against this lie and pray them outloud everytime you feel the arrows of guilt and shame being pelted at you!
With regards to the girlfriend. Was it right to confess? It is always right to confess our transgressions. We cannot control how the other person will receive and there very well may be consequences but the Lord tells us that we will prosper when we confess our sins.
I know you are hurting and I know you are concerned for this girl but I would say at this time try to give that to God and just focus on Him and what He is saying to you right now. He may have other plans… and you know… His plans are far greater than anything we plan for ourselves!
God bless.
I’m not married, so part of me feels as if I shouldn’t even be hurting in this way. I’m engaged to a wonderful man who does everything for me. When I was kicked out of my parents’ home, he took me in and has provided for me financially, emotionally, and has does everything in his power to make me happy and to help me feel loved and beautiful. However, he’s lied to me in the past about looking at pornographic images. After seeing how much it hurt me, he promised to quit. Yet he relapsed and did it again…and again…and again. He has finally quit, and hasn’t looked at porn for at least eight months. I’m very proud of him, and I’m happy with the steps he’s taking to keep away from that addiction and help me to feel secure in our relationship. But I feel like the damage has already been done. Even after eight months, I still feel as if I’ll never be beautiful to him. I feel worthless, and as if even internet pictures are more important to him than me. All this time I’ve tried to keep quiet about it because I know how hard he’s been trying and succeeding at staying away from that stuff, and I don’t want to bring him any more guilt than he already feels at having hurt me. But I have no idea how to ever feel beautiful or valued in our relationship again. I’ve broken down several times recently, and even small things seem to bring me down emotionally. I feel like I’m constantly battling to feel as if I have his attention, and I know I’m wearing him out forcing him to deal with my emotional breakdowns and insecurities. I just can’t heal. I don’t understand why, but I can’t. I feel ugly and worthless, and like I’ll never be anything more than that. At times, I feel so desolate that I almost want to end the relationship, or even my life. I would never take either of these actions, but the thoughts pass through my head often. I want to be able to trust my wonderful fiance. I want to believe him when he tells me that he loves me, values me, and that I’m beautiful. He constantly tells me these things, and part of me knows that he means them…but I don’t feel as if he does. How do I get over this?
I appreciate your transparency as honesty goes a long way when it comes to breaking free. Just like your fiance’ has had to work to break free– you need to work to transform your mind and break free from your destructive thoughts.
What I am about to ask and say might upset you but it was presented to me 15 years ago and was a catalyst that helped me begin to really work on my thinking. It did make me mad though when it was asked of/ pointed out to me.
You say you are living with your fiance. Are you sexually active with him? If so then I think your focus right now needs to be on that and your part in this and not a struggle that your BF/Fiance once dealt with that actually did not have anything to do with you but his own heart condition and his relationship with God. If GOD can forgive him, why can’t you? I say that in love and trust me… I UNDERSTAND the pain and even being bombarded with thoughts we wish we didn’t have. I dealt with it for over a decade in marriage. It definitely rips to our core but it rips to our core because WE are not seeing it or ourselves through the eyes of Christ. Also, If you are both sexually active outside of marriage and are Christians then you know that you are just as much responsible and held accountable as your fiance.
I would recommend that you consider calling a counselor at Pure Life Ministries They have a program you can go through from home. I went through their program years ago and they helped me to turn my focus where it needed to be— on Jesus who helped me see God and begin to heal. The counseling I received there has helped me repeatedly throughout the years.
God bless you.
My name is Torri and I am 20. Ever since I was 14 I have been addicted to porn. There have been times where I thought I was free but I keep coming back. Now I am just scared. All these pictures have lead to me searching for sexual encounters, trading pics with people, and just more things I thought I would never do. I thougt I could keep it controlled. I need help. But there are no counselors where I live I can talk to. All my accountability partners I have tried either don’t ever hold me accountable or say it’s not really a big deal because I’m a girl. It keeps getting worse and worse and I don’t know how to get better. Please help me.
Hi Torri,
Surely there must be a counselor in your area. If truly not, over the phone Counseling is available through Pure Life Ministries and next month we will offer X3groups for women! You are definitely not alone and I commend you for continuing to pursue freedom. As you can see the progression of this addiction grows at an alarming speed. It’s best to cut it off as quickly as you can.
God bless you.
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