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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
I am a sex addict. I am on every porn site, dating site, and craigs list. I am seeking sex all the time. I cannot be faithful even though I expect my mate to be. I have homosexual and cross dressing tendency. I strive hard to show I am a good God fearing man – but the bottom line I would have sex with anyone as long as they allow me to dominate. I need to dominate and make my partner feel like a victim. How do I get help!
We have so many resources available here at XXXchurch.com in every category and in the start here section. I am going to assume that you have exhausted all of those resources and are asking for more help.
I would say that someone who is out of control in their addiction ( you said you strive hard to be a God fearing man but bottom line is that you’d have sex with anyone at anytime) needs a live-in program. Pure Life Ministries offers a live in program for men just like you. They have counselors on staff if you want to reach out to them.
I’ve been five years in this struggle. I’ve done everything; I have been mentoring, I have confessed to several people my problem, I went to professionals and have developed strategies to eliminate triggers and temptations.
And I feel that my problem has not improved as I wanted. Sometimes I think it has worsened due to the change of type of material that I see; from images to video, etc.
I would like to know: How do I know that I’m improving in my fight against addiction to pornography? Is there some sort of scale or improvement steps or stages of progress? How do I keep fighting, keep improving and not fall into a cycle in which there isn’t any kind of breakthrough?
We get this type of question a lot.
Trying to figure out “where you are” on the recovery journey is not as easy as you would think. It’s not even about how long you can go without looking at porn (i.e. sobriety). We talk about this a lot in our X3groups.
Each person has there own areas they can use to gauge their progress but here are several that I think any person who looks at porn can use to help figure out their progress or lack thereof.
1. How long has it been (i.e. sobriety period)
2. Is my shame worsening or getting better because I realize that God still loves me.
3. Am I conscious of my triggers? Am I discovering new ones?
4. Have I realized what pains I’m trying to self-medicate with my porn usage?
5. Am being more honest or dishonest about my struggle?
There are many more but the point is improvement can be seen (or not seen) in a variety of areas. As your recovery journey improves you will see more improvement in more areas.
I have been struggling with this for awhile now. And it’s had lead up to my marriage . I just got married and my wife has found out the skeleton in my closet that I thought I can beat on my own. Of course I can’t. What can I do to show this temptation that I can beat it and be free from it? I feel alone from God and from my wife which I deserve to be. Is there any help that can break me free from this problem ?
You do not “deserve” to be alone from God or from your wife. Feeling isolated or distanced is definitely a consequence of habitual sin but I wouldn’t go as far as saying you deserve to be alone. We need mercy. God is merciful and kind, forgiving, loving, compassionate and slow to anger. Wives don’t typically tend to be upon the first discovery. They are hurt, they are sad, they are angry, this triggers thoughts of insecurity- not being enough- wondering if it is their fault and so much more. But God will use this to bring your wife closer to Him.
Seek out a peer group. We’ve got the X3groups running strong- AND there is even X3groups for spouses! (Be sure to ask about the same household discount!) Seek out a pastor or counselor for some care for you and for your wife.
Check out our many resources in both the men’s section and the spouses section here on XXXchurch.com. If you need specific exhaustive resources go to the START HERE section.
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