Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

Is music important in effort to end addiction?

Hi my name is Samuel. I would love to say my addiction has ended, but its not that simple. Right now i am sober for some time, but I am not counting that because i feel that I should focus on sober days, but on my relationship with god. Your site is so far helping me a lot. And there is one question i got for you: What do you think about music I listen? Does it affect me if I am listening not christian music which is mostly dance music and of course theme is of course “love”. I mean these songs are often about some guy/ woman singing about sex but in very indirect way i think., because in music videos you can see it clearly. So what do you think is music which I am listening too important?

I think if you’re asking the question then perhaps something inside of you already knows the answer [for you]. 😉

I think everyone is different but I can tell you for me personally, there is some music that I once loved and listened to for years that I simply cannot listen to  today because of where it “takes me” in my mind.   I think it depends on the person and shouldn’t become a legalistic matter.    I also believe that what we allow into our minds should be edifying and conducive with the way in which we want to live.

If you’re listening to music with lyrics that are constantly pouring sex sex sex into your mind-space then yea I think you may have an issue since you struggle in this area to begin with and should reconsider it.

How to stop watching porn

How do I stop thinking those porn thought s and how do I get them out of my head?

Just like anything else, we must practice something different to begin a new habit.   The bible tells us to wash our minds with the Word of God.

You can’t block a thought from coming into your mind but you can certainly control where it goes from there.   I find it helpful to refute a lie with the Truth.  And call me crazy, but sometimes I have to talk to myself out loud in order to really change the thought patterns.

 

 

Escape the downward spiral and attaining healthier sexual habits

Hi xxxchurch,
I have suffered from porn addiction since the age of around 10-11 (I’m 23 now) and I also have destructive sexual habits. At some of the lowest times during the school years when I was even bullied by my friends and I was suicidal at some points I used porn to fill the void in me and masturbate a lot when I was at home. Today I have cut back a lot when it comes to porn at least, and I at most look at porn 5-7 times per week to get some emotional release and use that orgasm to uplift otherwise dull and negative emotions. I really want to find better ways to use my sexuality though and I would like to share intimacy with a woman instead of always using Hand-Solo *no pun intended.

I have dated a few women before, but I have never been able to initiate physical contact with them and escalating into being intimate. I can see why I have such issues with women and intimacy though as during my childhood (between years 3-5) my mother was raped by my father and she was physically abused in front of my eyes continuously to the point that it’s truly a miracle that she is alive today. During the last years of high school I was bullied so intensely by my so called “friends” for being a virgin (among several other things) that I almost got back to the same suicidal state during the previous school years. Out of frustration and anger I took the initiative to pay for sex so that at least I would know that I was not a virgin and that I couldn’t take the bullying to heart.

Emotionally it felt slightly better in regards the sex at least, but I still became overwhelmed by guilt, shame and worthlessness over what I had done. What followed after that was to pay for sex 3 times more in a matter of years as I at least had found one way to really be physical with a woman and possibly to try to become more confident and courageous regarding intimacy. To be honest I have become slightly more courageous when it comes to intimacy, but after having paid for sex I have felt heartbroken and energetically drained. I don’t want to contribute to other peoples misfortunes, and it really destroys me from inside. I don’t know what to do to create healthier sexual habits, and I still feel lightyears away from being able to be vulnerable to women’s rejection and other emotions connected to having a true loving intimate affair.

Today I’m considering either going to tantric massages to perhaps also heal old wounds and at the same time having intimate massages, being someones sugardaddy, masturbating by only using my mind and internal videos of women I’ve had a crush on (I haven’t been able to masturbate without porn) going to swinger parties or sex clubs, or looking for friends with benefits. At the moment I don’t have the financial means for the two first, and the other ones I have a lot of mixed feelings about and haven’t found something that works. I almost forgot..I have one more thing I have considered: Trying to forget all about sexuality and living in celibacy. I have even tried that before, but I have felt very drained by that also and I have instead had sex on my mind 24/7 by doing it.
I don’t know what to do when it comes to my sexuality anymore, and my emotional baggage when it comes to sex have kept me away from taking action with a girl I feel might be my soulmate..

Do you perhaps have any insights or directions for me to consider?

Best regards,
Gabriel

Dear Gabriel,

Honestly, I think seeking a professional counselor would be a tremendous help to you.  The traumas you suffered as a child in your home and then in school have clearly had an impact on you.  I think working through the root of the issues is key to finding freedom.  You are suggesting different case scenarios but they are just lesser evils so to speak.   God has not called you to live that way.  He has called you to live victoriously and to rule over these issues, not have them rule over you.    I think once you deal with some of the childhood traumas you will be able to work towards your own wholeness which then in turn can attract the right woman because your perspective and focus will be right and not just about sex.

I also think a support group would be excellent for you.   You can check out local groups or check out our X3groups.

God bless you.

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