Questions


Frequently Asked Questions.

Fetishes/porn/masturbation

Dear whoever reads this,
My name is Duncan and I have been struggling with a masturbation addiction. I have been dealing with this problem for 4 years, secretly. Only this past week or so I have asked my 2 closest friends to be my accountability partners. What kind of things should they do?

Also I have a question about fetishes, is it bad to have one? Please give me answers to these questions. I have been having a hard time with my fetish because I don’t know if it is just part of who I am, or if it is something bad.

Thank you,
Duncan

Porn Addiction

I’ve been watching porn and actually participating in lesbian sex since I was about 5 or 6. It started when I was sleeping with my dad in our living room and I woke up in the middle of the night and our TV was on and it was showing porn. Back then I didn’t know what it was and I tried it multiple times with my cousins. Then in elementary school, I tried it with my friends. I stopped doing it with people when I got in the 7th grade. From then on I just watched it on and off. I kept trying to stop but I just kept going back. This summer I had dry sex (basically sex with clothes on) with my cousin and it was the first time I had done something with a guy. I cant stop thinking about all the things I’ve done to people and I feel like God hates me for affecting all those people. I repent to him all the time, but I feel like he’s not really forgiving me. I’ve attempted suicide because I hated myself so much for this and other things about myself. The only reason I’m not dead is because I want to go to heaven and see God. I just want to stop. I feel so lost. What do I do?

Hey Alyssa,

My name is Shellie R. Warren and I am the women’s blog editor for the website.

When I first read your email, I found myself feeling for you but then when I looked up at the details about you and realized that you are only 14, I just wanted to give you a BIG HUG. I hate to read that you are in so much torment about all of this.

Let me first say that as dispicable as you might feel about all that you shared, you are not alone. I was molested as a young girl and I too “messed around” with other people who were very young. Some of them are still friends of mine. Many of them are not. One thing that I and the ones I still talk to have come to the conclusion on is that we knew way too much about sex at an early age and that’s because someone older than us exposed us to it.

As you shared, you saw pornographic material way before you had *any clue* of what you were looking at. Your dad *definitely* should have been smarter about protecting you from seeing it (Have you two ever had a conversation about it?). And as far as “messing around” with your cousins, it is unfortunate, but Alyssa, we get emails similar to yours often and I’m only tell you that to say that Satan loves to isolate us and *lie to us* (John 8:44) and say that we are the *only ones* doing the things that we do. That is simply not true.

I won’t lie to you. The incest is extremely unhealthy. Sexual activity, no matter who it is with, only bonds us to individuals and you weren’t created to be sexually attached to anyone but the husband that God has in mind for you (and yes, if it’s God’s will for you to be married and you desire marriage someday, even with all that you said, it’s still God’s will for your life). You are going to need to tell someone (else) because you are going to need help getting free from all of this. You *cannot* work through a porn addiction, “messing with” family members and then the suicidal strongholds that you have over your life alone. And God does not expect you to. *Please find someone you trust WHO IS A CHRISTIAN and is preferably older to tell*.

That said, allow me to speak something into your life. I am big on the significance of the meanings of names and I saw that your name means “noble kind”. To be noble is to be “morally and mentally excellent”. That’s pretty powerful, girl because that means that everytime someone says your name, they are declaring that you are someone who is morally and mentally excellent. Sure, you might not *feel* that you are, but a big part of having faith is believing that what you don’t see (yet) will come to be (Hebrews 11:1).

When God loved you *so much* that he sent his Son so that he could die for *your sins* (John 3:16), you have to remember that this means that you don’t have to take your life. Christ shed his blood so that you wouldn’t have to. John 10:10 tells us that Satan *only comes to steal, kill and destroy* us and that Christ came to give us access to an *abundant life*. THE BEST THING THAT YOU CAN DO FOR GOD IS TO LIVE, TO FIGHT THROUGH THIS AND TO PROVE TO SATAN THAT GOD’S WORD IS TRUE. That the God who is in you is *far greater* that Satan could ever be (I John 4:4).

God draws us with *lovingkindness* (Jeremiah 31:3). He is sad, right along with you, that you are in so much pain. But you have to hold onto the fact that Psalm 147:3 tells us that God heals the brokenhearted and binds up our wounds. He can handle *every single sin* that you’ve got. Don’t run *from him* but *towards him*. Your life has value and this will all prove to be a powerful testimony someday. Hang on and hang in, OK? (I Timothy 4:14-16-AMP)

We’ll be praying for you. Suicide is not the answer.

Satan is just scared of you getting to what’s on the other side of this.

Let him be! Hold onto life!

SRW

virginity

so here’s the thing I’m a Christian and i don’t have boyfriend right now but before i became a christian i had premarital sex with my last boyfriend and i was just wondering what if i have a boyfriend that i’m looking forward to be my husband (of course i prefer that he should be a follower of Christ ) how am i supposed to tell him that i’m no longer a virgin ? or should i even bother to tell him that i’m not a virgin? here in the Philippines they always say that your virginity is a gift to your husband so you should preserve it.but in my case i already lost it. what am i supposed to do when that time came?

Sam,

Yes; you should tell him what all about this. He needs to know your past and what you have been thorugh. Besides he will know when you do get married and have sex for the first time.

You do not want to be hidding things from your husband, this only hurts a marriage.

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