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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
Hello, I have a 16 year old daughter. She was molested at a young age… not sure if its connected or not. However, she struggles occaisionally with pornography and masturbation. She has acted out sexually with giving a blow job to one guy, a hand job to another and is desperate for love and attention. She is wanted to have sex. She is in counseling, being covered in prayer, we went to the Silver ring thing a few weeks ago… She seems to think… she needs to have sex. She begged a guy that she doesn’t even like to meet her behind a church to have sex. Thank goodness I have spy ware on her phone… But I don’t know how to reach her. I’m trying so hard to trust God’s plan for her life. Her counselor is wondering if she has borderline personality disorder. They said too young to diagnose yet… but wondering. Are any of your accountability groups appropriate for her?
Hi Karrie,
Our accountability groups are for adults 18 years and older. You may want to call Pure Life Ministries (www.purelifeministries.org) and see if they offer their at home counseling program to minors. I do believe that her molestation is part of this but I am not a counselor– just someone who has been through what she has and has done what she is doing. It’s sad and I commend you for doing all you can to help her. My parents did nothing. I was a single mother at your daughter’s age. God had his hand on me and I know He has His hand on your daughter too.
Best wishes.
I am not sure if I chose the right category. I am a concerned wife that caught internet porn on the computer a year ago in March. I have again found it on the computer again today and my husband states that he looked at it back in March and since then it just keeps popping up on the computer. I really don’t believe it works that way but I could be wrong. I am asking because my husband really needs help but I need to know the truth. Considering I ask him how it has been going just about weekly and he has lied it is very hard to trust him at this point. Mind you I do understand I need to be supportive and forgiving; just very hurt as it is a new wound again.
Hey Allison,
Take the computer to the geek squad at Best Buy and have them “clean it” and remove all traces of porn or anything that is popping up.
Do you not have a filter or porn blocker on the computer? If not, why not? X3watch is a great monitor and will also send out reports.
Best wishes
I have an incredible husband. He is kind and hilarious. I love him and I want the best marriage possible. We have been married for almost 2 years and he has struggled for over 5 years (the longest sobriety I know of has been 3 weeks). We have recieved so much help from x3watch and the book “Pure Eyes”.. he has gotten much better, communicated well and I have seen improvement. But occasionally, post mistake, he lies to me. The lie, far more than the pornography, makes me paranoid and unstable. I am suspicious of everyone and everything and I constantly question him. I talk about porn a lot. I cant help but bring it up at least once a week, sometimes every other day. He never tells me to stop asking, but I wonder if i should just let him bring it up. Sometimes I just babble about how I think and feel for a half hour and realize nothing was accomplished and he probably just feels terrible. How often do you discuss this type of thing? When is it just redundant? Ive asked him how often we should talk and I think he is willing to accept anything I dish out because he believes he deserves it. I want to have healthy dialogue, not just emotionally babble.
A couple of things.
First is that he needs male accountability. It will be easier for him to be more free in sharing about struggles and failures with a male friend (or pastor) then his wife. (This doesn’t negate your role or place as help-mate) X3groups might be a good place for him also.
Second- I don’t think you should stop asking but I do think you should prayerfully consider the timing, the tone and the motive.
Often times us wives (yep- I’ve been there) will dig and push and press out of our own insecurity and control (or lack thereof) issues. We hate the thought that “we’re not enough” and that our man desires to not only look at others but pleasure themselves when doing so. It’s absurd and yes we have every reason to be hurt, disappointed and feel rejected…. BUT that cannot be the motive for asking him about how he is doing. Love should always have the other person’s best interest at heart. Making it all about us, our hurt, our rejection, our insecurity only fosters guilt and shame for them. I personally believe that this actually helps to KEEP the husband in his cycle. Jesus never confronted someone with “after all I’ve done for you” OR “what about the vow you made to me?!” He always confronted in love- for the greater good of the other person. We should too.
I’m glad that the books and the software have helped. You may want to check out Craig’s other book called OPEN and consider checking out the webinar he just did on marriage.
God’s best to you!
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