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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
Hi, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years and from the beginning I knew that he struggled with Porn and Masturbation. For the first year of our relationship he would tell me about every other month that he had messed up, I would have a melt down, forgive him and we would move on. It wasn’t until last August that I really was able to realize that he was struggling with this way more often then he was saying. He finally was able to see he had an addiction and started getting real help for the problem including attending an intensive workshop for men who struggle with lust addiction. Since then he still struggles almost every week. He’s sought accountability but it’s like the men in his life forget to ask. He goes to a weekly group at church and has all the xxx software on his devices but it still doesn’t seem to help. This week I was away at a busy conference and he called me to tell me that he messed up the night before. I kinda hit a wall. I have been planning on marrying this man (because in every other way he is Godly) but my heart is just so hurt. He went to his councleor and had a break through with realizing that he’s been masking and numbing the shame with his addiction. from his words is back on the right track but I just don’t know. So my question really is should I even be dating him right now? Is me showing him grace enabling him? If I do continue to date him (which I really want to do) how do I help?
“Should I really be dating him right now”. I’d say no. My thoughts are that you have been dating all this time thinking he was being open and honest and pushing through when he wasn’t. Now it is as if his confessions come as another form of release for him but don’t really serve as any kind of challenge to repent and bear fruit of repentance.
So I would suggest a season of allowing him to seek out his counseling and when there is fruit in his life that bears witness to living out his repentance then you can reconsider the relationship. During this season I would highly suggest that you get some counseling as well and press into the Lord and what God is calling you to. Because I will tell you… this is not an easy road to walk… you must know that you are called.
A great book for you to look into would be “Boundaries” and “Boundaries in Dating” by Townsend and Cloud.
God’s best to you dear one.
My youth pastor insists wet dreams and sex dreams are sin. He also says erections are sin. That when these things happen, it’s because we aren’t focused enough on God. What are you thoughts?
I am not sure where your youth pastor is coming from or the context in which he is saying this but based on what you have just asked- I will answer with just the info you have given. We do not believe either are sin.
The wet dreams are a normal way of release without self gratifiction and we all know that we cannot control our dreams. Now if someone is focused on inappropriate things all the time then yes- it can cause one’s mind to continue in that pattern after one is asleep— but this is not always the case.
How can erections be sinful when male babies who have no idea what sex is have erections! Now what you wilfully do with an erection can be a different story but clearly just getting an erection is not sin.
I am addicted to 3 sum sex and things like that not porn,i like to do it in real not watch it Is it bad?please give me your opinion I love to have sex with many women married or unmarried Thanks
Our stance on healthy sex is this … sex between one man and one woman in the context of marriage. We believe that sex becomes unhealthy when it leaves this context. So, if a person is seeking sexual gratification outside of their spouse (porn, strip clubs, or extramarital sex) then we would say that they are engaging in unhealthy sex.
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