Frequently Asked Questions.
Hey, so this is difficult to say… I’m in an accountability group and we help fight our problems, but recently I had my first experience with what i guess is called “Blue Balls” I’ve been doing a lot better with lust/pornography/masturbation, but recently I became aroused (I still had no desire to masturbate), and after nothing happened my testicles hurt really bad. Will this go away with time/is there anything I can do to make it better? Thanks
Yes, this will go away and there is nothing wrong with you because of this. Do not buy into the lie that this is a way of your body needing realease. This is natural and your body will take care of its self.
I am a commited Christian but recently I have been watching porn and masturbating. How can I get rid of the urges to do those things, how can I get porn and masturbation out of my life, and most importantly will I go to heaven?
We understand that this is a tough battle that you are going through right now and you need to get it under control with being such a young age. Admitting to the fact that you have and addiction to this is one of the first steps.
Confess this to God and tell Him that you want to change and that you want for Him to send people in your life who will help you win this fight. He will hear your pray and He is a powerful God but, He will not just come down here and stop it for you. He will provide you the tools and the resources but, He wants you to step and do this thing.
After you have talked to God about this find someone right away that you know who can be your accountability partner. Someone who you see often and will have the ability to hold you accountable at all costs. Being your age I would suggest it be someone who is your elder and will be able to provide good mature counsel on this issue. This can be someone from your church, family member, and maybe even your parents. I know this step is tough but, you have to do this if you want to get free from this. You will not be able to do this on your own.
After you have an accountability partner you need to sit down with them and build a plan figure out what your triggers are and how they affect you. Get accountability software. If the internet or mobile devices are you hang up and this is where you turn to get your porn, get accountability and filter software right away and get this covered. We have a great program called X3 Watch that you could use for this. Set up a meeting schedule to meet with your accountability partner to discuss how things are going and if you are following your sobriety plan that you have developed with them.
Do not think this will go away over night; you have trained your brain to need this crap and you will need to train your brain that it is not needed and that it will hurt you. Celebrate small victories and do not give up if there are stumbles, keep going and dig in for the fight. Please know that you are not alone in this and that God loves you so much. He will never remove His love for you because of what you did, are doing, or might do during your recovery. We are here praying for you and know that you can do this.
i have looked a things i shouldnt some many times. I get stressed for school. When ever i get home i look at the wrong things. I am dig my self in a hole and i am thinking of dating but i dont want to do something i would regret but i need help to stop. I am starting to go into depresstion. I feel bad about it but my paster told me to come here. I just want to know how to stop and become less stressed. Also to stop looking at porn.
You have already figured out the first couple of steps in your recovery with admitting your struggle, confessing it, and getting accountability. But, the one thing and I find to be the biggest thing for people is there seems to be a lack of what we call “Real Change”. You seem to exhibit the signs of what we call “White Knuckle Change”.
White Knuckle Change: Is the most common types of change that we see and the least successful type of change. This type of change happens when we have to make a change in our habits based on either getting caught or just a realization that we have to stop this and we say “I have to stop this” or “I will quite right now”. Typically this is followed by us removing adult content we have and maybe telling someone about it and the placing accountability software on our computers. These are all good things but, this is where most people stop and bring on the White Knuckle affect. Things go good for a while; maybe a month, two months, or even weeks. Temptation creeps in and we fight it for a while all the while clinching our fists say “no I will not give in I will not look at it”. (Hence the white knuckles) But, after time we give in to the temptation and look only to start the cycle once more.
strong>Real Change: This type of change is the most successful and solid type of change in recovery. Real Change cover more steps and takes you further into what this struggle is and why you do it. The first step is understanding why we look at this stuff and understanding the physiology of how our brains work in regards to addiction.
Once you have figured this the next thing is abstinence and removing this sin from your life. Being able to recognize and avoid sexual sin. What are your triggers, what type of environments set your trigger off, and what are your emotional triggers. This is a big key to figuring out a game plan to avoid your weak points and moving away from them or at least recognizing them and being prepared to move away from the temptation.
The third step and sometime hardest thing to do is acceptance of unconditional love. Not allowing your guilt and shame to dictate who you are or how you allow Christ and others to love you. Starting to recognize your lack of truth, self trust and boundaries. After accepting this you have to then put this to work.
Building this plan and sticking with it works and will work as long as you dedicate yourself to it. With real change you go back to the last step you where at and restart because you now understand why and how. With the white knuckle change you always fall back into the sin you where trying to get away from.
Do not think for one second that you are alone in this, because you are not. And remember there is nothing you can do that will take away the love of Christ for you. We are praying for you and your next step in recovery.