Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

Pornography

I have a 14 year old boy who has been caught 3 different times viewing gay porn, he is NOT a feminine boy. He says he’s attracted to girls, should we be concerned? He’s very repentant, and it had never gotten out of control. He wants to be set free and loves The Lord. We have thrown around the idea of mentor or counseling! Counseling for porn makes me think we are giving the enemy too much attention. But maybe just general counseling, thoughts?

I think the idea of a mentor is FABULOUS.   Your son needs a safe place to talk about his struggles and battles.   Craig Gross wrote a book called OPEN and it talks about what real accountability should look like.  There is also a youth curriculum available from Simply Youth Ministry that you may find helpful.

You are awesome parents for not ignoring this and giving your son the tools he needs to not live in shame but rather freedom!

Dating

I feel stupid for saying this, but crave the advice of an older man. I don’t have access to a lot of mentorship right now. Also, this is my first relationship. I’ve been praying a lot about this, and my heart is still burdened. After a long friendship, I decided to enter a romantic relationship. To be short, I entered this relationship overlooking the element of physical attraction. I did so because I’ve been told that other things, such as character, are so much more important than that. She has a wonderful character. She loves the lord with her whole heart. She is supportive, honest, caring, flexible, not high-maintenance. She has all of these wonderful characteristics that I hope to someday find in a wife. However, I’m simply not very physically attracted to her. She’s not ugly; we’re both very fit, athletic people. I feel terrible about this, as she is VERY happy in our relationship. She believes that I’m a tremendous example of a Godly man who serves her, respects her, and honors her. I am less drawn to her than she is to me. But, I also think, shouldn’t making her happy make me happy if I truly possess a servant’s heart? I feel very frustrated, and also guilty. I also dismissed not being very attracted to her because of my 5 year addiction to porn having given me unrealistic, fake expectations for women. Can I become attracted to her? Will these problems solve themselves? Should I break up with her and prevent her from getting further involved? I care deeply for this woman, if she were a dude, she probably would be my best friend anyways. I absolutely hate the idea of breaking her heart after dating her for less than two months. Sincerely, a man suffering duress to his own mind. PS: I feel the need to confess this as well. Before she became a Christian, she sexually used by a lot of guys. My sinful heart almost labels this as a good thing. I have this twisted thought process of, ‘if she was good enough for them… then I guess she’s not bad looking after all.’

I appreciate your honesty and that you felt safe here to share your frustration.  That being said- I don’t necessarily think I have the answer.

I think if you are constantly waiting for more (attraction to come) then you’re setting her up for a major disappointment.  

The fact that you said if she were a dude she would be your best friend sounds like she is an amazing fit for you.   You can have a “hot chick” that lacks character and all the things that you love about this woman.  Can you not focus on those things? 

I think this is something you should really pray over and perhaps seek some pastoral advice or that of a counselor.

Best wishes.

Porn

I used to be addicted to pornography. I found an opportunity to confess to my mother. She was incredibly loving and understanding and with her help I have been free from porn for months. Recently however I have struggled with returning to semi-pornographic images on the internet. I do not want myself to and when I do look for images I eventually snap out of it and stop and pray for forgiveness, but what can I do to stop this temptation? I have continued to read my bible and pray every day. Are there any scripture passages/verses you would recommend I read? Thank you.

Do you have a mentor or accountability partner?  I would recommend that you have someone in your life you can be totally open and honest with. Someone who is trustworthy and safe with your confessions.   Sure I can give you a list of scriptures– as a matter of fact I am going to email you a prayer guide but I do think you need someone face to face in your real life that you can be honest with.

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