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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
I’m Writting to you guys because I have no idea who to ask and I am too ashamed to ask anyone I know because I do not want them to think of me as a failure.
I’m going to get right to the point and say It. I have been having sex with my girlfriend for the past 6 months.
I was raised in church and opened my life up to Jesus at such a young age that I cannot remember any part of my life when I have been without God. Like all people there have been times in life where I have been distant from God, but that’s is just part of our walk. The last couple of years have been one of those periods in my walk. Prior to these last couple of years I was a key leader in my countries largest youth group, which to me makes my circumstance seem even more shameful.
At the beginning of this year I made the decision to return to church and it was great. I felt like I had returned home. However, at the same time I was going back to Church I also met a really nice girl through work who is not Christian. We entered into a relationship and started having sex almost straight away. I have fallen into the following cycle; I struggle with the sex aspect of the relationship because I know that it is wrong. I bring the issue up with her and we agree to try not having sex. this has happened 2 or 3 times now but we always end up having sex again after about a week. It means a lot to me that she wants to stay with me without having sex and shows me she actually cares about me.
However, I wan’t to stop having sex so that I can live in all that God has for me and fulfill what he has called me to. But unlike most other sin that involves only myself, I have involved another person in my sin. I love this girl so I don’t want to hurt her and hurt her in a way that means that she will blame Christianity for what happens and never give God a chance. At the end of the day I am been a terrible witness to her by continuing to sleep with her. She is coming to church with me sometimes and is enjoying it. I know that there will be consequences if I continue to live in unrepentant Sin, But I also know I need to go about this in a way that takes into consideration how it will make her feel. hurting her is the last thing I want to do, she is really in love with me. What should i do?
I think you know what you need to do because you have listed everything out so eloquently.
Here’s the deal— once you know something you can’t “un-know” it. Once you’ve awoken something within you it is hard to get it to go back to sleep so you will need to enlist others to help you if what you say is true about honoring Jesus, honoring this young woman and honoring yourself. You said you’ve returned to the church so find someone you can talk to. Confess your struggles and ask for accountability– then set yourself up for a win.
Where do the two of you have sex? Stop putting yourself in that location or those locations. If it means you can only be together in public places, then so be it.
Best wishes.
My husband confessed a year ago that he had been addicted to porn and MBed for our entire 12-year marriage, and for many years before that. He joined an X3 group, and found other types of support and has now been clean for almost 11 months! His viewing porn and MB-ing has ceased, thank God! Here’s our problem, though. He is still suffering from erectile dysfunction. Through our therapy we have learned that ED can come from porn use. That’s why he has had ED our ENTIRE marriage. BUT, after being clean for almost a year, I feel his ED should be gone. I am no doctor and I know every case is different, but it’s so difficult to move forward with renewed intimacy in our marriage if we just ‘can’t’ have sex. How can we overcome this? Or, more specifically, how can I deal with this – if we are apparently ‘still’ waiting for his body to heal?
First I want to say I think it is awesome that your husband is almost a year clean from porn and masturbation! I also think it is awesome that you’ve been patient and a great support coming alongside of your husband in this.
While we are not doctors or sex experts here, we can certainly understand your desire for the erectile dysfunction to be gone! I’m sure it is so frustrating to your husband as well. I don’t have the answers for you as to how long it will take for him to return to a normal sexual drive or function but my first thought is that this happened over many many years so it is probably not going to rectify itself overnight (or in one years time). I would suggest going to an expert in this field while at the same time praying for your husband’s physical body as well as the constant renewing of his mind.
You are a blessing and I am sure your husband appreciates all of your support and encouragement.
Ok so this is what’s up, I have read the book Open and it is awesome but I am still having trouble finding an accountability partner. My church is small which makes it a little complicated so my options are limited. I am also a part of the leadership there which i feel is even more of a reason for me to find an accountability partner and fast. I don’t know any other women at my church who is or has struggled with Porn and this can cause me to feel alone and trapped at times. I am doing much better with my addiction after reading Pure Heart and setting up some healthy boundaries but I still feel like I need the accountability. It is too easy to fall back into sin when the only one who knows about it is you and God. Should I just open up to someone even if they don’t open up to me? I am kind of at a loss and am really not sure what I should do.
PS. I LOVE XXXChurch you have helped me out so much already! Thank you!!!
If you are in leadership at your church then I would hope that you have good relationships with other women in ministry. Yes, I would say pray and seek the one you feel is easy for you to talk to, trustworthy and reputable. 😉
You can also check out our X3groups– sometimes the women there bond with one another and you can find a good accountability friendship there. Our first choice would be someone in your sphere of influence that you could meet locally and face to face with but the groups have been quite successful!
Best wishes!
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