BLOG
Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
I’ve been married for a year and a half, I’m 25 and I’ve been a porn addict since I was about 11. I hid my addiction from her until we right after we were engaged, and even then I guess I wasn’t as up front about how bad it was. Our marriage has been very difficult; she grew up in an abusive home and suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and suffers from some brutal symptoms. I turned to porn at a young age to escape my home life in an emotionally unstable house hold, a few of my immediate family members have attempted suicide. My addiction grew and grew and became out of control. When I started down the path of being honest with my wife, she was so gracious. But continuing to go back to porn for a few different reasons during our marriage has led to enormous distrust and deep, deep hurt. A few months ago, after looking at porn, I wrote up a contract of boundaries for myself, centering around time alone at home and restrictions on my internet usage. I have x3 watch on my devices. I have been clean for about 9 weeks. Yesterday, I stayed home from work because I was sick. I didn’t break any boundaries on the contract, but as any addict can attest to, it seems there is always another way to get to porn. I did not look at porn. I came close, but stayed strong. When this happens, according to my wife’s wishes, I talk to one of the male supports in my life, so that she isn’t burdened with the day to day ups and downs of my addiction. . My wife called to check in on me, and I told her that “i went to the edge, but stayed strong.” She said she was thankful that I stayed strong. Later that night, she came home from work and we had a nice night until it came out that I ate junk food on a sick day rather than spending the money and eating healthy to get myself better and out of the house to get myself out of a situation when I would be tempted again. I ate junk food because my medicine was expensive and I didn’t want to spend the money to buy the right food to help me get better. My wife was very angry. What ultimately came out was a lot of the hurt that I had inflected on her by continuing to use porn regularly during marriage. The damage is deeper than I realize even now, and I have lost %100 of her trust. Also, she feels that she has to take care of me when I get depressed (o yeah, I’m diagnosed depressed as well) and she says she feels like my mother. I am tasting what I have done to her, and my heart is broken. What do I do?
With all due respect to your wife, I think her issues are her own and your issues are your own. Yes, as a wife who has been at the brunt of many of this myself, I understand her pain all too well and I also understand much of the emotional toll this takes on her. That being said– you sound like you are doing GREAT! Nine weeks clean, using accountability when you struggle, removing yourself from temptation (getting out of the house when it was just unbearable!) KUDOS to YOU!!!!
It sounds like some of your wife’s PTSD is being set off when you have a “bad day” or you are “depressed”. That is her issue to get some help with. You certainly should encourage that and be supportive but you cannot own her feelings or reactions– those belong solely to her.
Your remorse sounds genuine. Your repentance is evident in your walking this out. Keep on keeping on as they say.
Seek out some counseling for both of you if possible— it will do wonders for your marriage and a mediator is someone who can clearly redirect arguments and help with shifting perspectives.
God bless you and your marriage.
My marriage is struggling because I was in an automobile accident seven months ago that injured my back. Since then, we have had sex perhaps three times. He doesn’t want to reinjure me, and I love him for it. But I know he really misses that intimacy, and so do I. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to reinjure myself, either, but even when I orgasm (which is half the pleasure for him), the muscle spasms can cause issues.
I am so sorry to hear of the accident that has left you physically injured. I am glad you are alive.
Because I do not know anything about your physical injuries and because I am not a doctor I really cannot speak into the medical portion of this but I would highly encourage you to speak with your doctor about this. Make sure your husband is present during this conversation so that he sees how important this is to you.
Again- because I do not know the nature of your injuries this may not be a solution but it is a suggestion– if intercourse itself is the issue perhaps there are “other” things you can do to sexually arouse and please your husband? Get creative! It’s your marriage bed. =)
My wife is pregnant with out 3rd baby and seems that her sex drive has gone way down. I look at porn and looked at other women, went onto chat rooms and spoke with other women. She knows all about this and she still forgives me for it. She knows I look at porn and still forgives me because she knows I will never do anything. I won’t. But, it could finally break through one day and I want to prevent, well I want God Almighty to stop it before the flesh wins. Has any other married man dealt with this kind of addiction? Please I’m afraid that I am alone in this area. I found porn videos in a box that belonged to my father when I was 10 years old. I didn’t grow in stable home, my family didn’t care if I watched porn or not. They were worried about themselves. Since then I have became a born again Christian, and I am married with 2 sons. I do not want my generational demons to expose my kids to porn and have them suffer as adults as I do struggle and suffer. Please I need help. I found out that we are expecting a daughter and I do not want her to get involved with this mess too. I have tried cold turkey and it hurts more. Please help me! God bless! We need a lot of prayer please?
You are definitely not alone and you are not the only married man who struggles with pornography. We have an entire section on this site devoted to couples and spouses. I do agree with you that this does have the potential to cross over into an affair or to other things if you continue on this path. I think it is great that you are aware that this is something that can generationally be passed down to your children… just like alcoholism and other addictions.
This is not going to be supernaturally zapped away. God has requirements of us. He is faithful even when we are not but He has clearly given us free will and He tells us to CHOOSE life. I think it is great that you are seeing the need for help– the need to break free and the need to walk into wholeness with your wife and family.
Start here and check out all the resources available to you. Because you mentioned preparing for the birth of your daughter, it brought to mind this open letter I recently read. May it help strengthen your resolve.
God bless you.
Sign up for Weekly Encouragement and Advice
1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your 1st email from us as NOT SPAM
PS. Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here.
Please provide your best contact information so we can send you the action plan. It's totally free.
We respect your privacy and never share your data.
