Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

Porn

I am so angry. How do I deal with * years of lies? How? How do I deal with what I saw he was doing? How?

First,   I want to say I am sorry!   This is such a hurtful thing to deal with in a marriage or relationship.   Dealing with anger and years of lies is something that takes time and practice.  😉

For me personally (I discovered the same thing repeatedly in my marriage) it took having to do some serious personal counseling and some basic studies on anger (biblically) and putting what I learned about myself and about the word in place.    It takes time.    Keep short accounts with God– always confessing when you blow it.  Also keeping in mind that we really want to extend the same grace to others that we expect to be extended to us by God.

I can assure you that you are not alone and that if you really pursue healing in this area you will gain it!

The addiction to Masturbating.

I was introduce to porn at an early age. 8 yrs old to be exact. I was sexually abused at 9 by a cousin. I allowed it to go on as when I was able to ejaculate at 11. I enjoyed the sensation and always craved more. When I was 11 another guy I met while working in the berry fields introduced me to oral sex. There again I allowed it to happen and let it for several years. Being really confused growing up having girlfriends and boyfriends. I was very sexual and It has led me to become a sexual addict. My life revolved around sexual thoughts and acts. I couldn’t go with out thinking about it or masturbating. I masturbate 5 to 6times daily and have sine I was a small boy. Been married twice to women and really loved them but my addiction to masturbation over came me and I wanted it more. Lived the homosexual lifestyle for many years but since I have given myself to the lord..I no longer live as a Bi-sexual male and choose not to. I know God has saved me from it and I thank him for that. I just wished that the desire to stop myself from masturbating and viewing porn would stop. I feel like it over comes me to the point I have had thoughts of ending my life. I hate myself for it. The addiction is overtaking my life..I can be normal on the outside world with friends and family..but my secret desire is always there. I pray to God to strengthen me daily…But I am wondering if I will ever be free from it. I have since shared with other men at my church letting them know, that I struggle with this and it helps me to know that I am not alone. I have gone with times where I was able to stop..but It only last for a very short time. I don’t know what to do..I am so alone and very lost… I asking for prayer … What can I do to save myself from this addiction..to feel like the man God created me to be?

My heart goes out to you for the pain that you are feeling due to the cycle of sex addiction that you have been dealing with for so many years.

I just got done responding to someone else who is lost, alone and desperate in this battle– I am glad to hear that you have some people within your church that you trust enough to be transparent with.  Community is key to breaking the patterns of this addiction.  

What I said to him, I will say to you: Porn (and masturbation)  is often something people turn to medicate things like loneliness, anxiety, etc. Poor self esteem is also a common stressor  that contributes to our desires to look at porn and escape the reality we are faced with. 

 Your porn use and masturbation habit  is not indicative of a severe flaw in who you are. It’s a tool you have been using to medicate life’s worries and problems. Many do this .. you are not the exception.  Also, porn and masturbation do not identify you. You may use porn but that is not who you are.

So what now? That’s the question you have to answer. Do you want to put in the really hard and difficult work? Do you want to seek out accountability with these folks you’ve been transparent with and try to kick this porn habit in the butt for good?   Do you know what real accountability should look like?  (Craig’s book OPEN is a great one on this subject) 

 This isn’t easy and there is no quick fix- as you already know or you wouldn’t still be struggling… BUT I assure you that others who’ve been in similar situations as you have found purpose and freedom. It just took some time and a lot determination to move forward.

Is there no answer to my problem

Because of past mistakes I have a criminal history nothing serious but it has made me unemployable. I have no future and I have no real income. Because of this I don’t socialize and use porn. I’ve been this way now for 10 years . I’m an attractive person with a good personality but low self esteem. I did this to myself and have excepted my life so I guess my question would be Is this it or is there something wrong with me.

Hey thanks for your comment and we definitely empathize with your frustrations. One thing we don’t want to tell you is the typical response, “God is in control so you’ll be ok, etc.” Realize that this response is accurate but it’s not going to practically answer your current situation. Here’s what we would tell you (and realize none of this is easy … it may take some work).

1. Work – Unless your felony was terribly serious you probably can find work but it may not be the ideal job. Unfortunately our poor choices can lead to less than desirable circumstances. This is where you need to recognize this reality but do what you can to move forward. It may not happen overnight but God can restore you and even land you in a job that you enjoy. Like I said, it’s not overnight or easy but it can happen. You just need to do what’s in your power and let God handle the rest.

 2. Socialization, etc. – Porn is often something people turn to medicate things like loneliness, anxiety, etc. Poor self esteem is also a common stressed that contribute to our desires to loo at porn and escape the reality we are faced with. I’m sure the job situation contributes to this. BUT, you need to realize that your situation does not define who you are. You are more than a job. You are more than a person with a  criminal record. God says we are all wonderfully made … that includes you. 

 Your porn use is not indicative of a severe flaw in who you are. It’s a tool you have been using to medicate life’s worries and problems. many do this .. you are not the exception or the weirdo. Also, porn does not identify you. You may use porn but that is not who you are.

 So what now? That’s the question you have to answer. Do you want to put in the really hard and difficult work? Do you want to seek out accountability and try to kick this porn habit in the butt for good? 

 Like I said, this ain’t easy and there is no quick fix. BUT I assure you that others who’ve been in similar situations have found purpose and freedom. It just took some time and a lot determination to move forward.

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