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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
My question is regarding everyday attraction to women. My question is how i can better deal with being around women that i find attractive. To give an example, today i am at the library and am trying to concentrate on what i am reading, but find that a girl close to me is attractive and it seems that I start to fantasize and feel like i need some type of outlet from my thoughts. I have a “Creating a Victorious Environment” sheet i got from reading the book Pure Eyes and am looking to enter a remedy action for those moments. Could you please help me find that remedy action? Thanks!
This is a great question … and a very common one. Realize that you will always be faced with visual distractions … even at the library. This is why you need a variety of remedy actions that can fit your situation. Remedy actions differ for everybody but here’s some basic ones that work for most people.
1. Leave. This may sound impractical but leaving the area where you are being tempted is the best solution always. Find a new spot in the library or check the book out & go home. The bottom line is you need to remove yourself from those situations that are trigger prone.
2. Confess. There is a significant power in confession. This means recognizing what you are doing is a problem and owning it before God. Sometimes this act in and of itself is something that can get your mind clear.
3. Reach out to your accountability partner. This is like confessing except your talking to a person and not God. Call or text your accountability partner and let them know what’s happening. Hear what they have to say and then have the courage to do what they recommend.
Best wishes!!
Im really unsure about having an accountability because I feel like one of my friends doesn’t understand nor cares this stuff has been a problem and I end up hating myself and feeling sick I don’t know how to tell anyone either it gnaws away at me I know I need help and I pray to God for it but it doesn’t seem to come it doesn’t help that im surrounded by dirty jokes andnegative things at school I need some advice
I’ve been dating a wonderful man of God for a little over a year. He is wise, thoughtful and has a personal relationship with the God I love. He suffers from depression and was only diagnosed and introduced to anti-depressants less than a year ago (while we were dating) and has been making a lot of progress. I’m also learning to deal with his depression in a healthy way. For a few months now, we’ve been talking about engagement and what we feel we need to do to prepare ourselves before making that choice. We had several deep conversations about beliefs, ambitions, etc. The last conversation we decided to have was about our past sexual history. Things we needed to get off our chests so the other could make an informed decision. It was at this point that I confessed getting fingered and experiencing orgasms (not knowing that’s what they were) with my boyfriend when I was 19. I also confessed that I have watched porn and masturbated on and off for the last 4 years or so. And he confessed that he watched porn on and off for a couple years, and that at several points in his life he has looked in people’s windows in order to watch them undress. Needless to say, this was extremely devastating for the two of us. He became depressed and withdrawn for weeks afterward. I still can’t believe that he would do something so terrible. And he confesses to still be tempted to look through windows again. We realize that we both need help and are willing to get it. But the tragedy of putting off engagement hurts so so much! I still love this man, and I feel like God is calling me to forgive him (especially since I need forgiveness too!) I want to move on and so does he. Our spirits have been rising lately and we’re ready to dive head first into healing. But we have NO IDEA where to start! He even talked to his psychologist about it and he said it was normal behaviour. Not helpful. Where do we turn? What’s the next step? And most of all, at what point in our healing can we believe that we’re better enough to get married? Shame and embarrassment have had their hold on us for too long. It’s time to break free. But how?
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