Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

ADD

I guess it doesn’t really matter (?) but in treating porn addiction, I’m curious: which came first – the Attention Deficit Disorder, or the porn? Or are they just so interrelated that it is really difficult to tell? I’m curious what the scientific facts are about the brain and ADD and porn. I have studied both separately but not in relation to each other. I just think maybe if I knew, I could understand my husband better, and also I think it would aid him in his treatment. Thanks!

husband’s use of porn

My husband is very open about his use/desire for porn. He does not try to hide it. In fact, he uses it whenever he wants “intimacy”- if you can even call it that. How do you overcome that? He does not believe in God. I do, but he just ridicules my belief. He feels that porn is not wrong and that I am just “twisting” things if I complain. I’ve never seen this issue addressed. Everything seems to be geared to men that try to hide the addiction.

If your husband has no desire to stop- doesn’t see that this is an issue if even only because it hurts YOU then I don’t think there is anything you can “do” to make him see the light.    If you are a believer and he is not then I think your first prayer has to begin right there.  

I would suggest that you seek out support and counseling for yourself regardless if your husband ever does.   You are definitely not the only one in this type of situation.  Partners For Purity might be a great community for you to join.     You may also want to check out Laurie Hall’s book An Affair of the Mind. 

Same Sex Attraction.

For about 3 and a half years I have had a problem with Pornography and masturbation. for much more of my life I have struggled with depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. I came very close to attempting suicide when my brother and sister in law intervened and ever since I confessed everything to them I have been in a very successful recovery. I have been free from Porn for 1 1/2 years and my depression has gotten so much better. My relationship with God was re-established and I have been doing so well with my struggles! I set up accountability with my sister in law and I have been working on getting to know my savior. I am growing up in a christian family and my parents have very strict beliefs. I have never been able to be open with my parents about my struggles and all they really know about me is the small portion of information they discovered in an email to one of my friends. When I was 12 I realized that I was attracted to women as well as men. Being raised in the bible belt I was petrified of my feelings and decided to hide them from even myself. A while after I re-dedicated a year ago I started having problems again with SSA. I have a best friend who identifies as bisexual and I have developed really confusing feelings for her. I really want to put my past behind me and move on with my life, but I feel like hiding my struggles from my parents is hindering me from moving forward. My problem is that if I share my struggle with SSA with my parents, there is a possibility that they will disown me. I have support from my brother and sister in-law and they are willing to take me in in case my parents over-react, but I really hope it doesn’t come to that. My dad has always said that if any of his children “came out” he would kick them out. He believes that having Same Sex Attractions and being Gay is the same thing. I do not plan to live my life as a homosexual and I still like guys as well, but I still have this struggle and I really want my parents to understand. I have written them a letter explaining everything they don’t know about my past but I am afraid to send it. We aren’t very expressive of emotions in my family and I feel disconnected from my parents. I think that they want me to be able to trust them, and I really want to be able to tell them about my life, but I know that this could make or break our relationship. I feel like I am risking my whole teenage life. I am scared I will lose them.Should I tell them?

This is such a hard situation to be in and even harder for me to discern with you becauase I do not know you and I do not know your parents.   I would say that the support you have from your brother and sister in law is amazing and you should probably present this question to them.  They know everyone involved and can help make a genuine decision.

Best wishes to you.  I think you are doing great!

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