Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

What if you’re not addicted but struggle from time to time?

Is there any advice/method for withstanding temptations for someone who single and says though they struggle with thoughts often they do not masturbate/watch porn frequently (like once every 6 months). They do not have an addiction, or it doesn’t seem they do since it’s not effecting every day life although ultimately it hurts their relationship with God and they recognize that. They understand it is wrong to think about it and act on it, but are just struggling even with those infrequent times. Is it the same for someone who is addicted? Is it addiction?

Hey Rebecca,

It doesn’t sound like you are an addict but I don’t want to negate that you are feeling a powerful conviction from the Holy Spirit and that is what needs to be dealt with.  I know it is hard being single and a woman.  Most think this is only a man’s deal but they couldn’t be farther from the truth.  I also know that hormonal cycles (menstrual) can really bring on the “urge” for a sexual release.   I can also tell you as a woman that God can help you and deliver you from the behavioral part of self-gratification.    Keep your eyes on Christ.  Set goals for yourself and don’t beat yourself up just keep pursuing Christ.   Make sure to remove every hindrance and unrighteousness from your path.

God bless you,

Michelle

Porn addiction

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for just over 3 years and it is likely that we are going to get engaged soon. We are both Christians. Unfortunately I have an addiction to pornography that I am struggling with quite a lot. It’s very hard to stop even though I want to so much! A lot of the advice I have read on your site and other christian sites is that accountability is very important when trying to recover/deal with addiction. I would actually really like to be accountable with someone but I am so embarrassed. I’m not really close to, or don’t feel there’s anyone I could talk to about this. I would feel comfortable talking about it with my boyfriend, and I do want to, but I’m not sure if this would be inappropriate. As in, it would be better to be accountable to a female. Plus I’m not sure what would happen to our relationship. But then it’s probably something I should talk about with him before we get engaged/married as I expect it will be something that I will need to have a lifelong vigilance against… Also, perhaps unsurprisingly, we do struggle with sexual sin in our relationship so I’m not sure how it will affect that. I should note that I am thinking about joining an x3group but I’m from Australia and so the time difference makes joining difficult! I hope that all makes sense. I would really love some help/advice with this! Thank you so much, Kelly.

I think you are wise to get some face to face accountability with WOMEN.   Joining an X3group would be good if you can make that work— however I think you might it helpful to talk with a leader in your church.  I know you are embarrassed but shame is not of God and truly He will honor your desire to be free and He speaks about confessing our sins to others as well as what happens when we conceal our sin.

You are wise dealing with this before you enter into marriage and I would strongly encourage you to deal with the sexual sin in your relationship.

You might find some articles at Pure Life Ministries helpful.  

porn and dating

I am interested in dating a man who has confessed to me his struggle with porn since an early age. We’re both Christians, but he often shuts God out of his heart I think because of the sexual abuse he went through as a child. I find myself wanting to help him know the love and acceptance that God has for him, but I know that only God can truly heal his heart. I too have been hurt by pornography-my brother started using it when he was 14 and I was 11, and essentially became a stranger to me and our family, spending all his time in his own addiction. God is redeeming that, and I’m asking for his grace in forgiving my brother and reconciling that relationship. My question is: what can I do as a woman to support these men in their fight against porn? What behaviors are hurtful or detrimental? What happens if these men that I love’s addictions are never healed?

I think it is great that you are willing to love and support both your brother and this man in spite of their struggle with addiction.   Your brother is someone that you can support and love without residing under the same roof and essentially yoking up with everything he submits himself to, so that relationship may be a bit easier to establish.

Dating a man however that could potentially lead to a relationship that could then lead to marriage is another.    While I think you can pray and support him from a distance– I would advise you to use caution in proceeding with a romantic relationship with him for two reasons.

If he is addicted to porn and not walking with God it will be a ROUGH road for you to walk with him.   It is a hard enough road to walk even when walking with Christ if the addiction is still full blown but to deal with that without God?  Nope- not something I would advise.

I think there are some really good ministries out there that deal specifically with what you may need.  Check out Partners For Purity as well as the counseling offered at Pure Life Ministries.  

The fact that you have a check in your spirit to the degree that you are reaching out tells me that you sense the warning also.

I hope that these men in your life will surrender their addictions and find freedom in Christ.


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