Frequently Asked Questions.
I lost my marriage because of the progression of my addiction. I have tried very hard to overcome it and realize that I can t do it alone. I am in a catch 22 situation where I can’t afford therapy or rehab and I have tried meetings and I don t know what else to do. I keep struggling. At my best I went 127 days prior to my marriage ending which was a tremendous achievement. Since then I can t get more that five sober days. Ultimately I don t know what to do if I can t afford any help but desperately need it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
While I do not want to underestimate that you are in bondage to a full blown addiction, I do want to say that often times we are blinded by the power that we hold in just doing some simple things that Jesus commanded. Now mind you– they are so simple that people often get mad and say “there is no way…” but Jesus said that with Him, all things are possible. Why would He tell us how to do (or not do) something if it were not possible? So. Here goes.
When you’ve tried everything else, try stopping. 😉
1. Remove that which besets you. Is it your smart phone? Get rid of it. Is it your lap top or home computer? Get rid of it. What? You can’t do that? Or you won’t do that? Will you find every excuse as to why you can’t or do you want freedom enough to go to the extreme… at least for a little while to begin making new and righteous habits.
2. Accountability. Are you using it or utilizing it? Two totally different things. If you have “tried” accountability with someone(s) and it’s not working then you’re not doing it right. Suggestion: read OPEN or go through the OPEN workshop.
3. Serve others. Get outside of yourself and your situation and find ways to serve others. Serving others takes us out of isolation and puts us in a “doing” mode which is better than too much time on our hands.
4. Spend time in prayer and in the Word daily. Especially when you don’t feel like it.
5. Seek out like-minded community– consider X3groups or a Celebrate Recovery group.
Lastly- keep short accounts with God and be good to yourself by setting yourself up for a win. Looking for workarounds or loopholes is only setting yourself up for failure.
The “this is a man’s world” premise seems to live in your ministry, or at least your posts. It should not: you have so many opportunities to help women. Is this by design?
By design? No… we cater specifically to the needs of people. We understand that women struggle with pornography and with sex addiction— we’ve been saying it for years but we also know the stats still show that men are the majority. The content is primarily written by those with the experience and victory in those areas. We do have an entire section for women that is exclusive for you ladies.
If you want to write and you’ve got good content then by all means hit up Carl and let him know you’re interested in providing content and or resources for women.
I’m not even sure if this is a question.. My husband and I have been married for 7 years now, I use to desire him A LOT when he didn’t desire me :(, It was the most painful road God had put me on, So I turned to porn everyday to get my satisfaction, Now I find myself not desiring him and prefer porn :(. When we do have sex once a month if that, we need porn to stimulate us… I need help, I feel like a failure as a wife :(.. I want to desire my husband and to be desired but don’t know where to start.
You start right where you have. With your eyes open to the reality of what has become of this and then confession. Next steps are to get your husband on board– let him know you’re done with the porn. I’m wondering if he doesn’t have his own struggles which created the lack of intimacy from the beginning? Either way, you need to be done. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you [I’m a woman on team here]. Seek out our resources for women here at XXXchurch.com and also seek out the guidance of a local counselor. We have a great workshop for women called X3pure and you would do really well to join an X3group where you could meet regularly with women who have the same struggles. I would not recommend the spouses group at this time but rather the women’s group. You are not alone and you CAN do this!
Lastly– I don’t want to forget the crisis of the marriage. I think counseling would be wonderful if he will partake. I also think the Best Sex Life Now workshop would be great for you both to go through.