Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

Addiction?

I have a few related questions… I’ve had a problem with sexual things for a long time (nearly 20 years). I’ve been able to admit that it’s a problem before, but never known if it was an actual addiction. I’ve battle other addictions, but can it be a sex addiction if it comes and goes? Masturbation started as a child and as I’ve gotten older there is porn involved and I post on Craigslist sometimes… mainly I just chat with men, but I’ve met up with one and the desire to do so more keeps increasing. I’ve never had sex, but have been considering it lately. I feel like if I just hooked up with one or two guys I’d be satisfied… but am aware that is probably not true. How to I reason against that? How do I stop the compulsive behavior? The harder I try to do the right things, the stupider I get and the bigger the mistakes. :/

Dear Meagan,

I would say that posting on craigslist for sex or things of a sexual nature would suggest that you are bound by a stronghold to sex.  So yes- I would say that coupled with your own statement of “the harder I try to do the right things, the stupider I get and the bigger mistakes”— basically that just confirms the spiral downward of addiction.

Our suggestion would be to spend some time in the women’s section of XXXchurch.com- go through the resources and you may want to consider a counseling session with a counselor at Pure Life Ministries

One thing we can assure you- You are not alone and you can overcome this!

Husbands fantasies

Hello, my husband and I have been married for 3 years. Shortly after getting engaged I found out about his porn addiction. Soon after I found out he “stopped” and said it wasnt an issue. (Yes I was very naive) He went through over a year of counseling and has not looked at porn in over a year. He has recently told me about how he still fantasizes about other women and cheating on me with them. I am terrified that 10 years down the road after years of fantasizing that he might one day just get up and act on it. He says that he is still going to be tempted but in my eyes the fantasies and temptation are different things. Am I over reacting and this is just something men do or is this an actual issue? Its hard for me to tell since I still have issues do to the lying and porn addiction. Thanks, Allie

Hey Allie,

A couple of things.   First, yes- we think most men are visual and do have to deal with their thought life.  However; if your husband has struggled with sexual sin and is in the process of continuing to walk in freedom then I’m sure the battle is even more intense for him.

I would say that your thought life needs to be bridled as well.   If all you do is spend time thinking on things that are not even before you then you are wasting the time right now to stand in the gap with him and fight that battle as a helpmate.  To stand in the gap and help him is to pray over him daily through the Word and trust him to God.

I would also recommend that your husband gets male accountability if he doesn’t already have it.

Lastly– there is an entire section for spouses here at XXXchurch with some great resources for other sites as well as counseling referrals.

Godspeed!

husbands porn addiction

Wow, where to begin. My husband of 23 years has been addicted to masturbating since he was a young boy, and looking at the girls in bikini’s in the Sears magazine at a young age, as well. This has carried through his entire life. I knew about it during our marriage, and it really didn’t bother me much. We became recommitted Christians about 8 years ago. He was able to quit drinking, smoking cigarettes and pot. I think the porn subsided a bit, but just recently we have been talking about and working on our marriage, which is struggling. He said it has been a long time since he has looked at it, and was doing really good, until he slipped. He feels bad about it, and wanted to confess to me. He has also just recently told me about an experience he had with another boy when he was younger, and that the boy penetrated him for just a few seconds, but that he liked it. He said he had played with anal sex himself during masturbation before this incident, and when this happened, it felt really good as he was caught up in the moment. When he snapped out of it and realized what was happening, he ran away and never went back. Now he is confused because he did enjoy it, but he rationalizes it by saying that he has been “playing” this way by himself since he was a young boy. He confessed just the other day that he was looking for a threesome internet porn experience, and enjoyed looking at the men, and that he wasn’t looking at gay porn because that requires signing up for membership. This tells me that he did go looking. I’m so confused and not sure what to do. He is convinced that if I strap on a dildo and reenact this experience, then he can tie it to our marriage and to a woman doing this to him, that this will help him “get over it”. I have taken part in this in the past before knowing about his homosexual experience, but I feel that it is an abomination to God, and that it is a very wrong thing to be involved with. He still likes to masturbate, but wants me to masturbate with him, that is his way of rationalizing that it is ok to do this. He is 53 years old, and says that it is getting harder to get things going. It also seems that he can’t even “get off” without anal stimulation, or even just talking about it anymore. We have discussed this, and my uncomfortableness with it, I am willing to stand beside him, but it just doesn’t seem like he is interested in putting it behind us. I have told him that it seems as if he is bringing another “entity” into our marriage bed, and I am getting more and more uncomfortable with it. He said now I knew everything, but that was before he confessed to looking at gay porn. I never know what is going to come up next. Not to mention that sex has gotten dull and boring. I have just recently found many ways to liven it up, and we are reading “The 5 Love Languages” in order to communicate better, but we just aren’t there yet. How do I reconcile all of this information with what God has considered an abomination, and how do I/we move on from here. I just discovered this site today thanks to an article in our local newspaper written by Chuck Norris. I think I was meant to read it and find your site at just this moment. We have very few friends and none that we feel could/would be accountability partners. This stuff would be very difficult to discuss with others. Thank you for your help, I have really felt that I have had no where else to turn except Jesus, but I needed a human viewpoint on it, as well. Thank you.

Dear Lee,

Our hearts break for the marriages that are being destroyed by sexual sin and perversion- a true counterfeit that so many have fallen prey to.  

It starts out innocent but doesn’t stay there long and if someone has a propensity towards addiction it tends to snowball quickly and often times people end up in situations and doing things that they never thought they’d ever do.   We see it everyday.  Your story is far too familiar.  I say that so that you are reassured that you are not alone.

Please spend some time in the spouses section of our website. Especially the resources.  You may also want to suggest that your husband check out our X3groups  and for you I would highly recommend the OCAH program that Pure Life Ministries has for wives.

God bless you.

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