Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

How do I make the change?

Well I really don’t want to talk about this But I know I need too or ill just keep Pretending like its not happening.. I have been addicted for only a couple Monthes now but recently it’s getting Worse, I can’t even walk in to church Without feeling ashamed, I want my friends To help me but every time the subject Is brought up the girls all just get Shy and grossed out. I don’t wanna Have to tell them because I’m pretty sure They won’t get it. I have a friend who Has this addiction and he talks about It openly, but I have never heard a women Talk about there problem openly. I act like its not going on, and it’s Like no other girl is going through this. What do I do? How do become stronger? And who Do I turn to for help and accountability?

Dear Cassie,

Let us assure you that you are not alone.  If you spend some time on our site, particularly in the women’s section you will gain some perspective from other women just like you who have walked through some of the very things you are walking through.

Ironically- our blog theme this month is “How do I?” which will answer a lot of the tough questions you have.

You may also want to consider the X3pure workshop for women.

God bless you.

 

When is enough, enough??

My husband has been dealing with a porn addiction for many years. We have been married for two years and I found out he had brought the addiction into our marriage just 12 days after we said our “I do’s”. We have battled this the whole time we have been married. My husband acknowledges that it is an addiction, that it is sin, and that it is a form of adultery. However, I feel as though we are on a merry-go-round with it because he refuses to allow us to get outside help. And says he is too afraid of hurting me to really let me ‘IN’ to help him. When I first discovered his addiction I told him that I would not abandon him in his addiction and that I would support and encourage him until he was free of his addiction. My husband has sex with me just enough to make it a normal ‘routine’. I have always had a high sex drive for a female (which I thought would be any manny’s dream), but my husband constantly rejects me and when we do have sex I feel like he is not present with me (knowing the reality is, he probably isn’t). I am so tired of being hurt, used, and deceived. While recognizing he is struggling too, I feel like I’m the only one truly battling for the good. There are days when I feel like throwing in the towel, and today is one of those days. Then I think about his recovery and can’t imagine not being a part of his life when/if that finally happens. Is there a point when enough is enough? Is there a point when I should give up?

Hi Amy,

I don’t think anyone but God can suggest when enough is enough.  It does sound like if this has been going on for this long, your husband would benefit from an intense live in program like the one offered from Pure Life Ministries but it also sounds like he is not repentant and unwilling to get any help.   Pure Life in my opinion is one of the greatest ministries out there addressing this issue.  They are the pioneers in this and have successfully run their ministry for over 25 years.  They also offer a counseling phone call if you or your husband would want to speak directly with a counselor there.   I went through their counseling program for wives (OCAH) and my counselor, Rose helped me in such a way I still carry what I learned through her counseling in my life today even though my marriage did not survive.

Have you received any support for yourself?   We have some resources for spouses that may be a blessing to you.
We have a blog  that is (mostly) written by a team of spouses from their experiences and perspectives at various places in their journey.  We also have an abundance of resources.    Out of my own pain and the desire to unite with other wives in Christ,  I co-founded Partners For Purity.

I hope that these things will be a blessing to you and most of all that you will know you are NOT alone and that Jesus desires for YOU walk in wholeness in spite of any choices your (ex)husband makes.

Blessings,
Michelle

my husband’s porn addiction…

My husband and I have been married for three years. A couple weeks before we were married I found a stash of fetish porn that focused around barely legal teen girls. I was immediately concerned about this because he had previously been convicted of felony unlawful sex with a minor and served time in prison. He assured me that the porn and the age of the girl he had engaged in a sexual relationship with were coincidence and he did not have a problem. Over the course of our marriage his porn addiction has become more obvious and more of a problem. He escalated to creating profiles on sites meant for married men to seek out affairs, then texting women about intimate details of our marriage, and finally having a sexual affair with an 18 year old (ex) virgin from his work… After the discovery of his affair we separated for two months and I came home because he professed to having been delivered of his sinful nature and rededicating his life to Christ. I checked in periodically to see how he was coping with his addiction and he consistently reassured me that he was not tempted and was doing very well. I recently discovered that he’s been viewing pornography the whole time and recently began including girls’ facebook profiles into his repertoire, which is especially devastating and disturbing to me. We spoke earnestly last night and he told me that he wants to be repentant for viewing pornography but doesn’t actually believe what he’s doing is wrong (aside from the fact that I “don’t like it”…) How do I lovingly show him that what he’s doing is not just hurting me, but is hurting him in ways that encourage him to be unfaithful (and even that the act of lusting after other women in itself is an act of adultery)? I’m praying constantly for the holy spirit to convict his heart and transform him into an honest and faithful husband… I don’t know how to continue in my marriage when my partner is consistently unfaithful and damaging to my self-worth… please help.

We understand how hard it is with what you are currently going through with your husband.

I can let you know that you currently are doing the best thing you can right now and that is standing by him. I understand that you do not want to pressure him in to getting help but, this is an issue that is affecting your marriage and there is no reasons why the two of you can not talk about it.

When you do talk to him make sure it is in a loving way and not one that will make him feel as though he is being backed into a corner. When guys feel this way the feel loss of respect and typically come out swinging.

Be honest with him and let him know how this makes you feel. He needs to know that his actions are affecting you as well. More often men feel that they are not hurting anyone because this is a private sin that they hold onto tightly to keep for their selfish needs.

I would also encourage him to talk to some one and get accountability for this too. Someone other than you who can ask the tough questions and hold him to his desire for purity. He should also look into getting X3 Watch for any computer of mobile device that he has. This will send a report to his accountability partner letting him know if he has viewed any adult content sites.

You also need to get some healing from this and I have a few things I hope you take into action. If you belong to a church I would recommend talking to someone there whom you trust and can either help you or point you into a direction of someone who can. You need to be able to ask questions, receive guidance, and have someone who will pray for you and support you during this time.

There are two sites as well that I would like for you to check into as well that I feel will be a good help for you. The first is Partners For Purity at www.partnersforpurity.com. This is a group of women who know where you are at right now and will be able to provide some great insight into what you are going through and will go through. The next one is Porn to Purity at www.porntopurity.com. Seek out the wives section of the site. Marsha Fisher is a strong women who has been there and she will offer up her wisdom to you from her own personal experience.

Please know that you are not alone in this and that neither is your husband. God is so amazing and He wants so much for your marriage to be restored. Also know that He is so proud of you that you have stood by your husband and that you are willing to fight for your marriage. We will be praying for you her as well as you make the next steps.

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