It’s a new year and time to make some changes! Here are some practical ways to help you make this the best year yet:
1) FEEL. You’re not “crazy.” After you discover your husband’s been viewing porn, it is normal to feel sad, insecure, and angry. Don’t beat yourself up trying to hide all those feelings deep down inside. Fear, anger, sadness, hatred… they’re all wounds on your soul and in order to start healing you need to clean those. Get out your feelings. Talk to your husband, keep a journal, pray, speak with a counselor, join a support group. Ask God to help you navigate all these feelings and give you peace in your heart.
2) LAUGH. You’re not just “letting him off the hook” if you allow yourself to laugh again. Your husband knows he hurt you and just because you start to laugh again does not make that responsibility any lighter. But laughing and allowing your heart to feel glad again is a good thing and goes a long way towards healing. Laugh with your husband and your children, laugh at a funny movie, laugh with your friends. “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22, ESV).
3) BE INTIMATE. It’s okay to be intimate with your husband again. It really is! Just because he hurt you, doesn’t mean you don’t love him and need him. I know that when I first discovered my husband’s sin, I felt bad about wanting him to hold me. I felt like somehow I was saying that it was “okay” that he had hurt me if I was intimate with him. But that’s the furthest thing from the truth. There really is something healing about true intimacy. Allowing your husband to embrace you and connect with you on a physical level after you’ve felt betrayed can bring tremendous healing to your heart. So hold hands, kiss, hug, and have sex with your husband. You’ll both have a better year for it!
4) PRAY. God cares. I know sometimes it feels like He may have abandoned you in your misery, but He hasn’t. God is still there, and it is His desire for you to be reconciled with your husband (if your husband is indeed seeking reconciliation). Pray to Him about it. Pray about your fears and insecurities. Ask God to help you work through the pain. Ask Him to transform your marriage. Ask Him to change your husband’s heart. Prayer is powerful and you won’t have your best year yet without it.
So maybe last year was horrible. But this year doesn’t have to be. Even if you’ve experienced heartbreak, this could be your best year yet. Let yourself feel and laugh, be intimate with your husband, pray, and trust in the Lord. Reconciliation may be in store for this year!
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