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5 Things You May Not Know About Boundaries

by Kristina Croft on July 8th, 2014 in Spouses

boundariesBoundaries are good for the whole family.

In our family, we have boundaries for all kinds of things. We limit how much time the kids spend on their Kindle, how long they can veg out watching TV, and how much junk food they’re allowed to eat. We limit how late they stay up at night or sleep in. My husband and I limit how much money we spend and follow a budget. We limit how much time we spend on our phones and make an effort to spend time with each other.

Boundaries are a good and healthy way to help families function – why would limiting access to pornography be any different? We set up boundaries to help keep porn out of our home. We have internet filters and accountability software, we screen our movies ahead of time, we keep our computers out in the open, and we don’t allow our children on the internet unsupervised. 



Boundaries are vital to recovery.

For the family that has been affected by pornography, boundaries are vital. If your spouse is recovering from sexual addiction, boundaries can help then change their behavior as they work on finding healing and strength spiritually. When temptations arise, having a safety net is the first line of defense. Your house has locks on the doors meant to keep your family secure. In the same way, limiting access to pornography for a spouse in recovery is the first step in keeping their purity secure.

Some great suggestions are: installing internet filters and accountability software on all electronic devices, as well as limiting the sexually explicit movies you watch or music you listen to. Also, communicate with your spouse the boundaries that will help rebuild trust, like not using the computer when home alone or being accountable with spending money. 



Boundaries are not enough.

Just like houses can be broken into, physical boundaries can fail too. And when they do, it becomes a spiritual battle. Repentance is the foundation of sexual purity and it’s more than behavior modification – it begins in the mind. Repentance requires you to change the way you think about your sin, about God, and about what you’re doing or failing to do.

If all the physical boundaries were removed, we can still withstand temptation through the transformation that comes from the renewing of his mind (Romans 12:2). God has not abandoned us to unchecked temptation. He has not left us to fend for ourselves. When our boundaries fail, God is there to arm us and help us fight. (1 Corinthians 10:31, Ephesians 6:10-17). Will you be ready to fight?



Boundaries give us freedom.

I would argue that addictions are what hold people hostage, not boundaries. So, finally being able to overcome those addictions is what brings true freedom. Boundaries a good way to help us all stay on track; no matter what we’re trying to overcome.

If I’m struggling to lose weight, should I stock my cabinets with junk food? No. If I’m a recovering drug addict, would it be wise to roam the streets in the same neighborhoods I once scored my stash? No. If I’m a recovering porn addict, should I surf the internet with no filters or accountability? Absolutely not! Setting up boundaries help us keep the freedom we crave from the devastating stronghold of addiction. 



Boundaries require humility.

The key to successfully establishing boundaries is an issue of humility, both on the part of the addict and of the spouse. The addict must humble themselves and realize there are steps that need to be taken to not only help them stay on track, but also to give their spouse a little peace of mind. There is no room for pride and justifications in this journey towards sexual purity (Tweet This!). The spouse must humble themselves and realize the need to extend grace. After all: we’re all sinners and no one is perfect.

 

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5 Things You May Not Know About Boundaries by XXXchurch.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

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