Not to me, but to Suzanne*.
I don’t know her but I got an email recently that said this:
please pray for me. my husband just confessed his affair to me. we’re in ministry. i’m dying over this.
I’m heavier than normal over this. To be real honest, this was the 6th or 7th email I had gotten over a 7-day period. I get pretty used to these types of emails and have even gotten the “oh it’s just another adultery email” attitude before.
Try not to judge me for my callousness. I don’t want to have those thoughts. But I do sometimes. I do because adultery is everywhere. People are vacationing from their wedding vows at the first sign of chemistry with another. But getting this email from Suzanne was different. I have no idea why. I’ve never met her. I’d never even heard of her.
Don’t let the “we’re in ministry” thing surprise you. Pastors are fallen humans, too. But I wonder how they’ll handle it. I have no idea if there will be attempts to sweep it under the rug and put a nice, pretty bow on top of a lot of “I’m sorry and this will never happen again” comments. If this happens, the marriage is as sure as over in my opinion. And chances are, it could happen again if complete brokenness isn’t present.
Because people are stupid, y’all. They aren’t smart. They don’t protect themselves or their marriages. They feed their flesh and by doing so discard their spirit. They act like this sort of thing will never happen to them. And because people are stupid, there are other people who get hurt in the process. People like Suzanne and her children. She doesn’t deserve it. They don’t deserve it. At all. No one does. And any of us can be on this same path if we think we’re above such sins. I’m at the top of the list. It could have been me.
The Kingdom of God will take a major hit for this. And I suppose that is what breaks my heart the most. Thankfully, our God is a lot bigger than a man’s bad choice. And if they’ll let Him, He can turn this whole thing inside out and make it bring more glory to His holy name.
I don’t want to sound like a broken record here. I really don’t. I’m sure people are sick of me posting things like this and about how we need to be wise and guard our marriages. So, I’ll make a deal with you.
I’ll quit writing about adultery when it quits happening.
You can find Cindy’s book Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken here. If you as a wife are working on healing from your husbands struggle with sexual sin this is an amazing book to pick up.
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